From david at toosh.biz Mon Jan 7 18:11:54 2008 From: david at toosh.biz (David Abse) Date: Mon, 7 Jan 2008 19:11:54 +0100 Subject: [LifeisTOOSHort] Taff Wars Message-ID: <172A2FC7-184B-423D-B2AE-6D4E62D45D0B@toosh.biz> Fuckin' 'ilarious like. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hc_1pke62rc&feature=related DA From david at toosh.biz Fri Jan 11 10:19:24 2008 From: david at toosh.biz (David Abse) Date: Fri, 11 Jan 2008 11:19:24 +0100 Subject: [LifeisTOOSHort] Cats and toast-toppings Message-ID: <44215B4E-13D8-4ADC-B84F-B7A41779F93F@toosh.biz> Cat Power A magazine held a competition, inviting its readers to submit new scientific theories on ANY subject. Below is the winner: When a cat is dropped, it always lands on its feet, and when toast is dropped, it always lands buttered side down. Therefore, if a slice of toast is strapped to a cat's back, buttered side up, and the animal is then dropped, the two opposing forces will cause it to hover, spinning inches above the ground. If enough toast-laden felines were used, they could form the basis of a high-speed monorail system. .........and then this mail got this reply from one of the recipients: I've been thinking about this cat/toast business for a while. In the buttered toast case, it's the butter that causes it to land buttered side down - it doesn't have to be toast, the theory works equally well with Jacob's crackers. So to save money you just miss out the toast - and butter the cats. Also, should here be an imbalance between the effects of cat and butter, there are other substances that have a stronger affinity for carpet. Probability of carpet impact is determined by the following simple formula: p = s * t(t)/tc where p is the probability of carpet impact, s is the "stain" value of the toast-covering substance - an indicator of the effectiveness of the toast topping in permanently staining the carpet. Chicken Tikka Masala, for example, has a very high s value, while the s value of water is zero. tc and t(t) indicate the tone of the carpet and topping - the value of p being strongly related to the relationship between the colour of the carpet and topping, as even chicken tikka masala won't cause a permanent and obvious stain if the carpet is the same colour. So it is obvious that the probability of carpet impact is maximised if you use chicken tikka masala and a white carpet - in fact this combination gives a p value of one, which is the same as the probability of a cat landing on its feet. Therefore a cat with chicken tikka masala on its back will be certain to hover in mid air, while there could be problems with buttered toast as the toast may fall off the cat, causing a terrible monorail crash resulting in nauseating images of members of the royal family visiting accident victims in hospital, and politicians saying it wouldn't have happened if their party was in power as there would have been more investment in cat-toast glue research. Therefore it is in the interests not only of public safety but also public sanity if the buttered toast on cats idea is scrapped, to be replaced by a monorail powered by cats smeared with chicken tikka masala floating above a rail made from white shag pile carpet. -------------- next part -------------- An HTML attachment was scrubbed... URL: http://toosh.co.uk/pipermail/lifeistooshort_toosh.co.uk/attachments/20080111/5752481b/attachment.html From LisaCharalambous at ivac.org.uk Mon Jan 14 12:06:11 2008 From: LisaCharalambous at ivac.org.uk (Lisa Charalambous) Date: Mon, 14 Jan 2008 12:06:11 -0000 Subject: [LifeisTOOSHort] Cats and toast-toppings In-Reply-To: <44215B4E-13D8-4ADC-B84F-B7A41779F93F@toosh.biz> Message-ID: <7AD13D28C9F4D64983026D06C9F809165C9EFB@ivac-dc01.IVACDOMAIN.local> This theory is flawed as it was developed by someone who knows nothing about cats - the cat has to want to form the basis of a monorail system otherwise it won't work. -----Original Message----- From: lifeistooshort-bounces at toosh.co.uk [mailto:lifeistooshort-bounces at toosh.co.uk]On Behalf Of David Abse Sent: 11 January 2008 10:19 To: lifeistooshort at toosh.co.uk Subject: [LifeisTOOSHort] Cats and toast-toppings Cat Power A magazine held a competition, inviting its readers to submit new scientific theories on ANY subject. Below is the winner: When a cat is dropped, it always lands on its feet, and when toast is dropped, it always lands buttered side down. Therefore, if a slice of toast is strapped to a cat's back, buttered side up, and the animal is then dropped, the two opposing forces will cause it to hover, spinning inches above the ground. If enough toast-laden felines were used, they could form the basis of a high-speed monorail system. .........and then this mail got this reply from one of the recipients: I've been thinking about this cat/toast business for a while. In the buttered toast case, it's the butter that causes it to land buttered side down - it doesn't have to be toast, the theory works equally well with Jacob's crackers. So to save money you just miss out the toast - and butter the cats. Also, should here be an imbalance between the effects of cat and butter, there are other substances that have a stronger affinity for carpet. Probability of carpet impact is determined by the following simple formula: p = s * t(t)/tc where p is the probability of carpet impact, s is the "stain" value of the toast-covering substance - an indicator of the effectiveness of the toast topping in permanently staining the carpet. Chicken Tikka Masala, for example, has a very high s value, while the s value of water is zero. tc and t(t) indicate the tone of the carpet and topping - the value of p being strongly related to the relationship between the colour of the carpet and topping, as even chicken tikka masala won't cause a permanent and obvious stain if the carpet is the same colour. So it is obvious that the probability of carpet impact is maximised if you use chicken tikka masala and a white carpet - in fact this combination gives a p value of one, which is the same as the probability of a cat landing on its feet. Therefore a cat with chicken tikka masala on its back will be certain to hover in mid air, while there could be problems with buttered toast as the toast may fall off the cat, causing a terrible monorail crash resulting in nauseating images of members of the royal family visiting accident victims in hospital, and politicians saying it wouldn't have happened if their party was in power as there would have been more investment in cat-toast glue research. Therefore it is in the interests not only of public safety but also public sanity if the buttered toast on cats idea is scrapped, to be replaced by a monorail powered by cats smeared with chicken tikka masala floating above a rail made from white shag pile carpet. -------------- next part -------------- An HTML attachment was scrubbed... URL: http://toosh.co.uk/pipermail/lifeistooshort_toosh.co.uk/attachments/20080114/857719fd/attachment.html From david at phlex.co.uk Mon Jan 14 14:28:03 2008 From: david at phlex.co.uk (Dave Hastings) Date: Mon, 14 Jan 2008 14:28:03 +0000 Subject: [LifeisTOOSHort] Cats and toast-toppings In-Reply-To: <7AD13D28C9F4D64983026D06C9F809165C9EFB@ivac-dc01.IVACDOMAIN.local> References: <44215B4E-13D8-4ADC-B84F-B7A41779F93F@toosh.biz> <7AD13D28C9F4D64983026D06C9F809165C9EFB@ivac-dc01.IVACDOMAIN.local> Message-ID: <6648ae5e0801140628o369f5f6bq4f0b5a7c9898a894@mail.gmail.com> I agree with Lisa's assesment, plus I would add that even if the cat did decide to take part, it would soon change its mind. The monorail systm would end up like the Northern Line. dave On 14/01/2008, Lisa Charalambous wrote: > > This theory is flawed as it was developed by someone who knows nothing > about cats - the cat has to want to form the basis of a monorail system > otherwise it won't work. > > -----Original Message----- > *From:* lifeistooshort-bounces at toosh.co.uk [mailto: > lifeistooshort-bounces at toosh.co.uk]*On Behalf Of *David Abse > *Sent:* 11 January 2008 10:19 > *To:* lifeistooshort at toosh.co.uk > *Subject:* [LifeisTOOSHort] Cats and toast-toppings > > Cat Power > > A magazine held a competition, inviting its readers to submit new > scientific theories on ANY subject. Below is the winner: > > When a cat is dropped, it always lands on its feet, and when toast is > dropped, it always lands buttered side down. Therefore, if a slice of toast > is strapped to a cat's back, buttered side up, and the animal is then > dropped, the two opposing forces will cause it to hover, spinning inches > above the ground. If enough toast-laden felines were used, they could form > the basis of a high-speed monorail system. > > .........and then this mail got this reply from one of the recipients: > > I've been thinking about this cat/toast business for a while. In the > buttered toast case, it's the butter that causes it to land buttered side > down - it doesn't have to be toast, the theory works equally well with > Jacob's crackers. So to save money you just miss out the toast - and butter > the cats. Also, should here be an imbalance between the effects of cat and > butter, there are other substances that have a stronger affinity for > carpet. > > Probability of carpet impact is determined by the following simple > formula: > p = s * t(t)/tc > where > p is the probability of carpet impact, > s is the "stain" value of the toast-covering substance - an indicator of > the effectiveness of the toast topping in permanently staining the carpet. > > Chicken Tikka Masala, for example, has a very high s value, while the s > value of water is zero. tc and t(t) indicate the tone of the carpet and > topping - the value of p being strongly related to the relationship between > the colour of the carpet and topping, as even chicken tikka masala won't > cause a permanent and obvious stain if the carpet is the same colour. So it > is obvious that the probability of carpet impact is maximised if you use > chicken tikka masala and a white carpet - in fact this combination gives a p > value of one, which is the same as the probability of a cat landing on its > feet. Therefore a cat with chicken tikka masala on its back will be certain > to hover in mid air, while there could be problems with buttered toast as > the toast may fall off the cat, causing a terrible monorail crash resulting > in nauseating images of members of the royal family visiting accident > victims in hospital, and politicians saying it wouldn't have happened if > their party was in power as there would have been more investment in > cat-toast glue research. > > Therefore it is in the interests not only of public safety but also public > sanity if the buttered toast on cats idea is scrapped, to be replaced by a > monorail powered by cats smeared with chicken tikka masala floating above a > rail made from white shag pile carpet. > > > _______________________________________________ > LifeisTOOSHort mailing list > LifeisTOOSHort at toosh.co.uk > http://toosh.co.uk/mailman/listinfo/lifeistooshort_toosh.co.uk > > -- Dave Hastings t: 020 8881 3423 m: 07973 775002 w: phlex.co.uk -------------- next part -------------- An HTML attachment was scrubbed... URL: http://toosh.co.uk/pipermail/lifeistooshort_toosh.co.uk/attachments/20080114/5f288486/attachment.html From david at toosh.biz Mon Jan 14 14:53:50 2008 From: david at toosh.biz (David Abse) Date: Mon, 14 Jan 2008 15:53:50 +0100 Subject: [LifeisTOOSHort] Cats and toast-toppings In-Reply-To: <6648ae5e0801140628o369f5f6bq4f0b5a7c9898a894@mail.gmail.com> References: <44215B4E-13D8-4ADC-B84F-B7A41779F93F@toosh.biz> <7AD13D28C9F4D64983026D06C9F809165C9EFB@ivac-dc01.IVACDOMAIN.local> <6648ae5e0801140628o369f5f6bq4f0b5a7c9898a894@mail.gmail.com> Message-ID: <8568A65B-6D74-42A6-80A6-234FC5EFDB83@toosh.biz> I that it wouldn't necessarily go anywhere you wanted to. Likely to not move for 16 hours a day. Also, if my cats are anything to go by, they'd lick off the toast toppings pretty quick. But does it work with dead cats? DA On 14 Jan 2008, at 15:28, Dave Hastings wrote: > I agree with Lisa's assesment, plus I would add that even if the cat > did decide to take part, it would soon change its mind. The > monorail systm would end up like the Northern Line. > > dave > > On 14/01/2008, Lisa Charalambous wrote: > This theory is flawed as it was developed by someone who knows > nothing about cats - the cat has to want to form the basis of a > monorail system otherwise it won't work. > -----Original Message----- > From: lifeistooshort-bounces at toosh.co.uk [mailto:lifeistooshort-bounces at toosh.co.uk > ]On Behalf Of David Abse > Sent: 11 January 2008 10:19 > To: lifeistooshort at toosh.co.uk > Subject: [LifeisTOOSHort] Cats and toast-toppings > > Cat Power > > A magazine held a competition, inviting its readers to submit new > scientific theories on ANY subject. Below is the winner: > > When a cat is dropped, it always lands on its feet, and when toast > is dropped, it always lands buttered side down. Therefore, if a > slice of toast is strapped to a cat's back, buttered side up, and > the animal is then dropped, the two opposing forces will cause it to > hover, spinning inches above the ground. If enough toast-laden > felines were used, they could form the basis of a high-speed > monorail system. > > .........and then this mail got this reply from one of the recipients: > > I've been thinking about this cat/toast business for a while. In the > buttered toast case, it's the butter that causes it to land buttered > side down - it doesn't have to be toast, the theory works equally > well with Jacob's crackers. So to save money you just miss out the > toast - and butter the cats. Also, should here be an imbalance > between the effects of cat and butter, there are other substances > that have a stronger affinity for carpet. > > Probability of carpet impact is determined by the following simple > formula: > p = s * t(t)/tc > where > p is the probability of carpet impact, > s is the "stain" value of the toast-covering substance - an > indicator of the effectiveness of the toast topping in permanently > staining the carpet. > > Chicken Tikka Masala, for example, has a very high s value, while > the s value of water is zero. tc and t(t) indicate the tone of the > carpet and topping - the value of p being strongly related to the > relationship between the colour of the carpet and topping, as even > chicken tikka masala won't cause a permanent and obvious stain if > the carpet is the same colour. So it is obvious that the probability > of carpet impact is maximised if you use chicken tikka masala and a > white carpet - in fact this combination gives a p value of one, > which is the same as the probability of a cat landing on its feet. > Therefore a cat with chicken tikka masala on its back will be > certain to hover in mid air, while there could be problems with > buttered toast as the toast may fall off the cat, causing a terrible > monorail crash resulting in nauseating images of members of the > royal family visiting accident victims in hospital, and politicians > saying it wouldn't have happened if their party was in power as > there would have been more investment in cat-toast glue research. > > Therefore it is in the interests not only of public safety but also > public sanity if the buttered toast on cats idea is scrapped, to be > replaced by a monorail powered by cats smeared with chicken tikka > masala floating above a rail made from white shag pile carpet. > > _______________________________________________ > LifeisTOOSHort mailing list > LifeisTOOSHort at toosh.co.uk > http://toosh.co.uk/mailman/listinfo/lifeistooshort_toosh.co.uk > > > > > -- > Dave Hastings > t: 020 8881 3423 > m: 07973 775002 > w: phlex.co.uk _______________________________________________ > LifeisTOOSHort mailing list > LifeisTOOSHort at toosh.co.uk > http://toosh.co.uk/mailman/listinfo/lifeistooshort_toosh.co.uk -------------- next part -------------- An HTML attachment was scrubbed... URL: http://toosh.co.uk/pipermail/lifeistooshort_toosh.co.uk/attachments/20080114/585c44b6/attachment-0001.html From sharon.alexander at tendringcvs.org.uk Mon Jan 14 17:31:07 2008 From: sharon.alexander at tendringcvs.org.uk (Sharon Alexander) Date: Mon, 14 Jan 2008 17:31:07 -0000 Subject: [LifeisTOOSHort] Cats and toast-toppings References: <44215B4E-13D8-4ADC-B84F-B7A41779F93F@toosh.biz><7AD13D28C9F4D64983026D06C9F809165C9EFB@ivac-dc01.IVACDOMAIN.local><6648ae5e0801140628o369f5f6bq4f0b5a7c9898a894@mail.gmail.com> <8568A65B-6D74-42A6-80A6-234FC5EFDB83@toosh.biz> Message-ID: <000f01c856d3$44f5b260$1401a8c0@TCVSADMIN3> What about hard of hearing and vision impaired cats? ----- Original Message ----- From: David Abse To: LifeisTOOSHort Sent: Monday, January 14, 2008 2:53 PM Subject: Re: [LifeisTOOSHort] Cats and toast-toppings I that it wouldn't necessarily go anywhere you wanted to. Likely to not move for 16 hours a day. Also, if my cats are anything to go by, they'd lick off the toast toppings pretty quick. But does it work with dead cats? DA On 14 Jan 2008, at 15:28, Dave Hastings wrote: I agree with Lisa's assesment, plus I would add that even if the cat did decide to take part, it would soon change its mind. The monorail systm would end up like the Northern Line. dave On 14/01/2008, Lisa Charalambous wrote: This theory is flawed as it was developed by someone who knows nothing about cats - the cat has to want to form the basis of a monorail system otherwise it won't work. -----Original Message----- From: lifeistooshort-bounces at toosh.co.uk [mailto:lifeistooshort-bounces at toosh.co.uk]On Behalf Of David Abse Sent: 11 January 2008 10:19 To: lifeistooshort at toosh.co.uk Subject: [LifeisTOOSHort] Cats and toast-toppings Cat Power A magazine held a competition, inviting its readers to submit new scientific theories on ANY subject. Below is the winner: When a cat is dropped, it always lands on its feet, and when toast is dropped, it always lands buttered side down. Therefore, if a slice of toast is strapped to a cat's back, buttered side up, and the animal is then dropped, the two opposing forces will cause it to hover, spinning inches above the ground. If enough toast-laden felines were used, they could form the basis of a high-speed monorail system. .........and then this mail got this reply from one of the recipients: I've been thinking about this cat/toast business for a while. In the buttered toast case, it's the butter that causes it to land buttered side down - it doesn't have to be toast, the theory works equally well with Jacob's crackers. So to save money you just miss out the toast - and butter the cats. Also, should here be an imbalance between the effects of cat and butter, there are other substances that have a stronger affinity for carpet. Probability of carpet impact is determined by the following simple formula: p = s * t(t)/tc where p is the probability of carpet impact, s is the "stain" value of the toast-covering substance - an indicator of the effectiveness of the toast topping in permanently staining the carpet. Chicken Tikka Masala, for example, has a very high s value, while the s value of water is zero. tc and t(t) indicate the tone of the carpet and topping - the value of p being strongly related to the relationship between the colour of the carpet and topping, as even chicken tikka masala won't cause a permanent and obvious stain if the carpet is the same colour. So it is obvious that the probability of carpet impact is maximised if you use chicken tikka masala and a white carpet - in fact this combination gives a p value of one, which is the same as the probability of a cat landing on its feet. Therefore a cat with chicken tikka masala on its back will be certain to hover in mid air, while there could be problems with buttered toast as the toast may fall off the cat, causing a terrible monorail crash resulting in nauseating images of members of the royal family visiting accident victims in hospital, and politicians saying it wouldn't have happened if their party was in power as there would have been more investment in cat-toast glue research. Therefore it is in the interests not only of public safety but also public sanity if the buttered toast on cats idea is scrapped, to be replaced by a monorail powered by cats smeared with chicken tikka masala floating above a rail made from white shag pile carpet. _______________________________________________ LifeisTOOSHort mailing list LifeisTOOSHort at toosh.co.uk http://toosh.co.uk/mailman/listinfo/lifeistooshort_toosh.co.uk -- Dave Hastings t: 020 8881 3423 m: 07973 775002 w: phlex.co.uk _______________________________________________ LifeisTOOSHort mailing list LifeisTOOSHort at toosh.co.uk http://toosh.co.uk/mailman/listinfo/lifeistooshort_toosh.co.uk ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ _______________________________________________ LifeisTOOSHort mailing list LifeisTOOSHort at toosh.co.uk http://toosh.co.uk/mailman/listinfo/lifeistooshort_toosh.co.uk -------------- next part -------------- An HTML attachment was scrubbed... URL: http://toosh.co.uk/pipermail/lifeistooshort_toosh.co.uk/attachments/20080114/fc861999/attachment.html From david at phlex.co.uk Mon Jan 14 18:06:26 2008 From: david at phlex.co.uk (Dave Hastings) Date: Mon, 14 Jan 2008 18:06:26 +0000 Subject: [LifeisTOOSHort] Cats and toast-toppings In-Reply-To: <8568A65B-6D74-42A6-80A6-234FC5EFDB83@toosh.biz> References: <44215B4E-13D8-4ADC-B84F-B7A41779F93F@toosh.biz> <7AD13D28C9F4D64983026D06C9F809165C9EFB@ivac-dc01.IVACDOMAIN.local> <6648ae5e0801140628o369f5f6bq4f0b5a7c9898a894@mail.gmail.com> <8568A65B-6D74-42A6-80A6-234FC5EFDB83@toosh.biz> Message-ID: <6648ae5e0801141006t16158efaj93ab2b85b2dc0448@mail.gmail.com> But see this! http://www.wikihow.com/Communicate-With-Your-Cat Feline/Human interface issues resolved. Dave On 14/01/2008, David Abse wrote: > > I that it wouldn't necessarily go anywhere you wanted to. Likely to not > move for 16 hours a day. Also, if my cats are anything to go by, they'd lick > off the toast toppings pretty quick. > But does it work with dead cats? > > DA > > On 14 Jan 2008, at 15:28, Dave Hastings wrote: > > I agree with Lisa's assesment, plus I would add that even if the cat did > decide to take part, it would soon change its mind. The monorail systm > would end up like the Northern Line. > > dave > > On 14/01/2008, Lisa Charalambous wrote: > > > > This theory is flawed as it was developed by someone who knows nothing > > about cats - the cat has to want to form the basis of a monorail system > > otherwise it won't work. > > > > -----Original Message----- > > *From:* lifeistooshort-bounces at toosh.co.uk [mailto: > > lifeistooshort-bounces at toosh.co.uk]*On Behalf Of *David Abse > > *Sent:* 11 January 2008 10:19 > > *To:* lifeistooshort at toosh.co.uk > > *Subject:* [LifeisTOOSHort] Cats and toast-toppings > > > > Cat Power > > > > A magazine held a competition, inviting its readers to submit new > > scientific theories on ANY subject. Below is the winner: > > > > When a cat is dropped, it always lands on its feet, and when toast is > > dropped, it always lands buttered side down. Therefore, if a slice of toast > > is strapped to a cat's back, buttered side up, and the animal is then > > dropped, the two opposing forces will cause it to hover, spinning inches > > above the ground. If enough toast-laden felines were used, they could form > > the basis of a high-speed monorail system. > > > > .........and then this mail got this reply from one of the recipients: > > > > I've been thinking about this cat/toast business for a while. In the > > buttered toast case, it's the butter that causes it to land buttered side > > down - it doesn't have to be toast, the theory works equally well with > > Jacob's crackers. So to save money you just miss out the toast - and butter > > the cats. Also, should here be an imbalance between the effects of cat and > > butter, there are other substances that have a stronger affinity for > > carpet. > > > > Probability of carpet impact is determined by the following simple > > formula: > > p = s * t(t)/tc > > where > > p is the probability of carpet impact, > > s is the "stain" value of the toast-covering substance - an indicator of > > the effectiveness of the toast topping in permanently staining the carpet. > > > > Chicken Tikka Masala, for example, has a very high s value, while the s > > value of water is zero. tc and t(t) indicate the tone of the carpet and > > topping - the value of p being strongly related to the relationship between > > the colour of the carpet and topping, as even chicken tikka masala won't > > cause a permanent and obvious stain if the carpet is the same colour. So it > > is obvious that the probability of carpet impact is maximised if you use > > chicken tikka masala and a white carpet - in fact this combination gives a p > > value of one, which is the same as the probability of a cat landing on its > > feet. Therefore a cat with chicken tikka masala on its back will be certain > > to hover in mid air, while there could be problems with buttered toast as > > the toast may fall off the cat, causing a terrible monorail crash resulting > > in nauseating images of members of the royal family visiting accident > > victims in hospital, and politicians saying it wouldn't have happened if > > their party was in power as there would have been more investment in > > cat-toast glue research. > > > > Therefore it is in the interests not only of public safety but also > > public sanity if the buttered toast on cats idea is scrapped, to be replaced > > by a monorail powered by cats smeared with chicken tikka masala floating > > above a rail made from white shag pile carpet. > > > > > > _______________________________________________ > > LifeisTOOSHort mailing list > > LifeisTOOSHort at toosh.co.uk > > http://toosh.co.uk/mailman/listinfo/lifeistooshort_toosh.co.uk > > > > > > > -- > Dave Hastings > t: 020 8881 3423 > m: 07973 775002 > w: phlex.co.uk _______________________________________________ > LifeisTOOSHort mailing list > LifeisTOOSHort at toosh.co.uk > http://toosh.co.uk/mailman/listinfo/lifeistooshort_toosh.co.uk > > > > _______________________________________________ > LifeisTOOSHort mailing list > LifeisTOOSHort at toosh.co.uk > http://toosh.co.uk/mailman/listinfo/lifeistooshort_toosh.co.uk > > -- Dave Hastings t: 020 8881 3423 m: 07973 775002 w: phlex.co.uk -------------- next part -------------- An HTML attachment was scrubbed... URL: http://toosh.co.uk/pipermail/lifeistooshort_toosh.co.uk/attachments/20080114/b37ef8c4/attachment-0001.html From david at phlex.co.uk Mon Jan 14 21:57:56 2008 From: david at phlex.co.uk (Dave Hastings) Date: Mon, 14 Jan 2008 21:57:56 +0000 Subject: [LifeisTOOSHort] Cats and toast-toppings In-Reply-To: <8568A65B-6D74-42A6-80A6-234FC5EFDB83@toosh.biz> References: <44215B4E-13D8-4ADC-B84F-B7A41779F93F@toosh.biz> <7AD13D28C9F4D64983026D06C9F809165C9EFB@ivac-dc01.IVACDOMAIN.local> <6648ae5e0801140628o369f5f6bq4f0b5a7c9898a894@mail.gmail.com> <8568A65B-6D74-42A6-80A6-234FC5EFDB83@toosh.biz> Message-ID: <6648ae5e0801141357y23275ckaec6298d5e8ea620@mail.gmail.com> Erratic Cat Motion Solved. The boffins at NASA have it covered. See http://www.spacetoday.org/images/Astronauts/SpaceDogs/CatsSpacesuitsNASA.jpg Dave On 14/01/2008, David Abse wrote: > > I that it wouldn't necessarily go anywhere you wanted to. Likely to not > move for 16 hours a day. Also, if my cats are anything to go by, they'd lick > off the toast toppings pretty quick. > But does it work with dead cats? > > DA > > On 14 Jan 2008, at 15:28, Dave Hastings wrote: > > I agree with Lisa's assesment, plus I would add that even if the cat did > decide to take part, it would soon change its mind. The monorail systm > would end up like the Northern Line. > > dave > > On 14/01/2008, Lisa Charalambous wrote: > > > > This theory is flawed as it was developed by someone who knows nothing > > about cats - the cat has to want to form the basis of a monorail system > > otherwise it won't work. > > > > -----Original Message----- > > *From:* lifeistooshort-bounces at toosh.co.uk [mailto: > > lifeistooshort-bounces at toosh.co.uk]*On Behalf Of *David Abse > > *Sent:* 11 January 2008 10:19 > > *To:* lifeistooshort at toosh.co.uk > > *Subject:* [LifeisTOOSHort] Cats and toast-toppings > > > > Cat Power > > > > A magazine held a competition, inviting its readers to submit new > > scientific theories on ANY subject. Below is the winner: > > > > When a cat is dropped, it always lands on its feet, and when toast is > > dropped, it always lands buttered side down. Therefore, if a slice of toast > > is strapped to a cat's back, buttered side up, and the animal is then > > dropped, the two opposing forces will cause it to hover, spinning inches > > above the ground. If enough toast-laden felines were used, they could form > > the basis of a high-speed monorail system. > > > > .........and then this mail got this reply from one of the recipients: > > > > I've been thinking about this cat/toast business for a while. In the > > buttered toast case, it's the butter that causes it to land buttered side > > down - it doesn't have to be toast, the theory works equally well with > > Jacob's crackers. So to save money you just miss out the toast - and butter > > the cats. Also, should here be an imbalance between the effects of cat and > > butter, there are other substances that have a stronger affinity for > > carpet. > > > > Probability of carpet impact is determined by the following simple > > formula: > > p = s * t(t)/tc > > where > > p is the probability of carpet impact, > > s is the "stain" value of the toast-covering substance - an indicator of > > the effectiveness of the toast topping in permanently staining the carpet. > > > > Chicken Tikka Masala, for example, has a very high s value, while the s > > value of water is zero. tc and t(t) indicate the tone of the carpet and > > topping - the value of p being strongly related to the relationship between > > the colour of the carpet and topping, as even chicken tikka masala won't > > cause a permanent and obvious stain if the carpet is the same colour. So it > > is obvious that the probability of carpet impact is maximised if you use > > chicken tikka masala and a white carpet - in fact this combination gives a p > > value of one, which is the same as the probability of a cat landing on its > > feet. Therefore a cat with chicken tikka masala on its back will be certain > > to hover in mid air, while there could be problems with buttered toast as > > the toast may fall off the cat, causing a terrible monorail crash resulting > > in nauseating images of members of the royal family visiting accident > > victims in hospital, and politicians saying it wouldn't have happened if > > their party was in power as there would have been more investment in > > cat-toast glue research. > > > > Therefore it is in the interests not only of public safety but also > > public sanity if the buttered toast on cats idea is scrapped, to be replaced > > by a monorail powered by cats smeared with chicken tikka masala floating > > above a rail made from white shag pile carpet. > > > > > > _______________________________________________ > > LifeisTOOSHort mailing list > > LifeisTOOSHort at toosh.co.uk > > http://toosh.co.uk/mailman/listinfo/lifeistooshort_toosh.co.uk > > > > > > > -- > Dave Hastings > t: 020 8881 3423 > m: 07973 775002 > w: phlex.co.uk _______________________________________________ > LifeisTOOSHort mailing list > LifeisTOOSHort at toosh.co.uk > http://toosh.co.uk/mailman/listinfo/lifeistooshort_toosh.co.uk > > > > _______________________________________________ > LifeisTOOSHort mailing list > LifeisTOOSHort at toosh.co.uk > http://toosh.co.uk/mailman/listinfo/lifeistooshort_toosh.co.uk > > -- Dave Hastings t: 020 8881 3423 m: 07973 775002 w: phlex.co.uk -------------- next part -------------- An HTML attachment was scrubbed... URL: http://toosh.co.uk/pipermail/lifeistooshort_toosh.co.uk/attachments/20080114/77492bf4/attachment.html From AndreaMcCallum at seeda.co.uk Mon Jan 14 22:01:36 2008 From: AndreaMcCallum at seeda.co.uk (Andrea McCallum) Date: Mon, 14 Jan 2008 22:01:36 -0000 Subject: [LifeisTOOSHort] Cats and toast-toppings Message-ID: <3EA776B7E2D80F428005E90DF80FDEC605C11B1D@gumail1.corporate.seeda.co.uk> You are a genius .... A. Andrea McCallum Area Manger Hampshire & IOW SEEDA Cross Lanes Guildford, GU1 1YA M: 07990 790 226 T: 01483 500 701 E: andreamccallum at seeda.co.uk ________________________________ From: lifeistooshort-bounces at toosh.co.uk [mailto:lifeistooshort-bounces at toosh.co.uk] On Behalf Of Dave Hastings Sent: 14 January 2008 21:58 To: LifeisTOOSHort Subject: Re: [LifeisTOOSHort] Cats and toast-toppings Erratic Cat Motion Solved. The boffins at NASA have it covered. See http://www.spacetoday.org/images/Astronauts/SpaceDogs/CatsSpacesuitsNASA .jpg Dave On 14/01/2008, David Abse wrote: I that it wouldn't necessarily go anywhere you wanted to. Likely to not move for 16 hours a day. Also, if my cats are anything to go by, they'd lick off the toast toppings pretty quick. But does it work with dead cats? DA On 14 Jan 2008, at 15:28, Dave Hastings wrote: I agree with Lisa's assesment, plus I would add that even if the cat did decide to take part, it would soon change its mind. The monorail systm would end up like the Northern Line. dave On 14/01/2008, Lisa Charalambous < LisaCharalambous at ivac.org.uk > wrote: This theory is flawed as it was developed by someone who knows nothing about cats - the cat has to want to form the basis of a monorail system otherwise it won't work. -----Original Message----- From: lifeistooshort-bounces at toosh.co.uk [mailto:lifeistooshort-bounces at toosh.co.uk]On Behalf Of David Abse Sent: 11 January 2008 10:19 To: lifeistooshort at toosh.co.uk Subject: [LifeisTOOSHort] Cats and toast-toppings Cat Power A magazine held a competition, inviting its readers to submit new scientific theories on ANY subject. Below is the winner: When a cat is dropped, it always lands on its feet, and when toast is dropped, it always lands buttered side down. Therefore, if a slice of toast is strapped to a cat's back, buttered side up, and the animal is then dropped, the two opposing forces will cause it to hover, spinning inches above the ground. If enough toast-laden felines were used, they could form the basis of a high-speed monorail system. .........and then this mail got this reply from one of the recipients: I've been thinking about this cat/toast business for a while. In the buttered toast case, it's the butter that causes it to land buttered side down - it doesn't have to be toast, the theory works equally well with Jacob's crackers. So to save money you just miss out the toast - and butter the cats. Also, should here be an imbalance between the effects of cat and butter, there are other substances that have a stronger affinity for carpet. Probability of carpet impact is determined by the following simple formula: p = s * t(t)/tc where p is the probability of carpet impact, s is the "stain" value of the toast-covering substance - an indicator of the effectiveness of the toast topping in permanently staining the carpet. Chicken Tikka Masala, for example, has a very high s value, while the s value of water is zero. tc and t(t) indicate the tone of the carpet and topping - the value of p being strongly related to the relationship between the colour of the carpet and topping, as even chicken tikka masala won't cause a permanent and obvious stain if the carpet is the same colour. So it is obvious that the probability of carpet impact is maximised if you use chicken tikka masala and a white carpet - in fact this combination gives a p value of one, which is the same as the probability of a cat landing on its feet. Therefore a cat with chicken tikka masala on its back will be certain to hover in mid air, while there could be problems with buttered toast as the toast may fall off the cat, causing a terrible monorail crash resulting in nauseating images of members of the royal family visiting accident victims in hospital, and politicians saying it wouldn't have happened if their party was in power as there would have been more investment in cat-toast glue research. Therefore it is in the interests not only of public safety but also public sanity if the buttered toast on cats idea is scrapped, to be replaced by a monorail powered by cats smeared with chicken tikka masala floating above a rail made from white shag pile carpet. _______________________________________________ LifeisTOOSHort mailing list LifeisTOOSHort at toosh.co.uk http://toosh.co.uk/mailman/listinfo/lifeistooshort_toosh.co.uk -- Dave Hastings t: 020 8881 3423 m: 07973 775002 w: phlex.co.uk _______________________________________________ LifeisTOOSHort mailing list LifeisTOOSHort at toosh.co.uk http://toosh.co.uk/mailman/listinfo/lifeistooshort_toosh.co.uk _______________________________________________ LifeisTOOSHort mailing list LifeisTOOSHort at toosh.co.uk http://toosh.co.uk/mailman/listinfo/lifeistooshort_toosh.co.uk -- Dave Hastings t: 020 8881 3423 m: 07973 775002 w: phlex.co.uk Please consider the environment before printing this email. _________________________________________________________________________________ As a public authority, please note that all documentation held by SEEDA is subject to the Freedom of Information Act 2000. _________________________________________________________________________________ SEEDA is the Government funded agency responsible for the sustainable economic development and regeneration of the South East of England - the driving force of the UK's economy. _________________________________________________________________________________ -------------- next part -------------- An HTML attachment was scrubbed... URL: http://toosh.co.uk/pipermail/lifeistooshort_toosh.co.uk/attachments/20080114/17d01325/attachment-0001.html From david at toosh.biz Tue Jan 15 09:56:34 2008 From: david at toosh.biz (David Abse) Date: Tue, 15 Jan 2008 10:56:34 +0100 Subject: [LifeisTOOSHort] Cats and toast-toppings In-Reply-To: <6648ae5e0801141357y23275ckaec6298d5e8ea620@mail.gmail.com> References: <44215B4E-13D8-4ADC-B84F-B7A41779F93F@toosh.biz> <7AD13D28C9F4D64983026D06C9F809165C9EFB@ivac-dc01.IVACDOMAIN.local> <6648ae5e0801140628o369f5f6bq4f0b5a7c9898a894@mail.gmail.com> <8568A65B-6D74-42A6-80A6-234FC5EFDB83@toosh.biz> <6648ae5e0801141357y23275ckaec6298d5e8ea620@mail.gmail.com> Message-ID: <6FC49115-4FCD-4E86-917A-1CEC4A8BF773@toosh.biz> Ah. Now we're on to the Schr?dinger's cat issue. If you put a cat in the box how do you know it's still there? Could be an unwarranted waste of toast toppings. Mind you cats do like getting in boxes: http://catsinboxes.com/ DA On 14 Jan 2008, at 22:57, Dave Hastings wrote: > Erratic Cat Motion Solved. > > The boffins at NASA have it covered. > > See http://www.spacetoday.org/images/Astronauts/SpaceDogs/CatsSpacesuitsNASA.jpg > > Dave > > On 14/01/2008, David Abse wrote: > I that it wouldn't necessarily go anywhere you wanted to. Likely > to not move for 16 hours a day. Also, if my cats are anything to go > by, they'd lick off the toast toppings pretty quick. > > But does it work with dead cats? > > DA > > On 14 Jan 2008, at 15:28, Dave Hastings wrote: > >> I agree with Lisa's assesment, plus I would add that even if the >> cat did decide to take part, it would soon change its mind. The >> monorail systm would end up like the Northern Line. >> >> dave >> >> On 14/01/2008, Lisa Charalambous < LisaCharalambous at ivac.org.uk> >> wrote: >> This theory is flawed as it was developed by someone who knows >> nothing about cats - the cat has to want to form the basis of a >> monorail system otherwise it won't work. >> -----Original Message----- >> From: lifeistooshort-bounces at toosh.co.uk [mailto:lifeistooshort-bounces at toosh.co.uk >> ]On Behalf Of David Abse >> Sent: 11 January 2008 10:19 >> To: lifeistooshort at toosh.co.uk >> Subject: [LifeisTOOSHort] Cats and toast-toppings >> >> Cat Power >> >> A magazine held a competition, inviting its readers to submit new >> scientific theories on ANY subject. Below is the winner: >> >> When a cat is dropped, it always lands on its feet, and when toast >> is dropped, it always lands buttered side down. Therefore, if a >> slice of toast is strapped to a cat's back, buttered side up, and >> the animal is then dropped, the two opposing forces will cause it >> to hover, spinning inches above the ground. If enough toast-laden >> felines were used, they could form the basis of a high-speed >> monorail system. >> >> .........and then this mail got this reply from one of the >> recipients: >> >> I've been thinking about this cat/toast business for a while. In >> the buttered toast case, it's the butter that causes it to land >> buttered side down - it doesn't have to be toast, the theory works >> equally well with Jacob's crackers. So to save money you just miss >> out the toast - and butter the cats. Also, should here be an >> imbalance between the effects of cat and butter, there are other >> substances that have a stronger affinity for carpet. >> >> Probability of carpet impact is determined by the following simple >> formula: >> p = s * t(t)/tc >> where >> p is the probability of carpet impact, >> s is the "stain" value of the toast-covering substance - an >> indicator of the effectiveness of the toast topping in permanently >> staining the carpet. >> >> Chicken Tikka Masala, for example, has a very high s value, while >> the s value of water is zero. tc and t(t) indicate the tone of the >> carpet and topping - the value of p being strongly related to the >> relationship between the colour of the carpet and topping, as even >> chicken tikka masala won't cause a permanent and obvious stain if >> the carpet is the same colour. So it is obvious that the >> probability of carpet impact is maximised if you use chicken tikka >> masala and a white carpet - in fact this combination gives a p >> value of one, which is the same as the probability of a cat landing >> on its feet. Therefore a cat with chicken tikka masala on its back >> will be certain to hover in mid air, while there could be problems >> with buttered toast as the toast may fall off the cat, causing a >> terrible monorail crash resulting in nauseating images of members >> of the royal family visiting accident victims in hospital, and >> politicians saying it wouldn't have happened if their party was in >> power as there would have been more investment in cat-toast glue >> research. >> >> Therefore it is in the interests not only of public safety but also >> public sanity if the buttered toast on cats idea is scrapped, to be >> replaced by a monorail powered by cats smeared with chicken tikka >> masala floating above a rail made from white shag pile carpet. >> >> _______________________________________________ >> LifeisTOOSHort mailing list >> LifeisTOOSHort at toosh.co.uk >> http://toosh.co.uk/mailman/listinfo/lifeistooshort_toosh.co.uk >> >> >> >> >> -- >> Dave Hastings >> t: 020 8881 3423 >> m: 07973 775002 >> w: phlex.co.uk _______________________________________________ >> LifeisTOOSHort mailing list >> LifeisTOOSHort at toosh.co.uk >> http://toosh.co.uk/mailman/listinfo/lifeistooshort_toosh.co.uk > > > _______________________________________________ > LifeisTOOSHort mailing list > LifeisTOOSHort at toosh.co.uk > http://toosh.co.uk/mailman/listinfo/lifeistooshort_toosh.co.uk > > > > > -- > Dave Hastings > t: 020 8881 3423 > m: 07973 775002 > w: phlex.co.uk _______________________________________________ > LifeisTOOSHort mailing list > LifeisTOOSHort at toosh.co.uk > http://toosh.co.uk/mailman/listinfo/lifeistooshort_toosh.co.uk -------------- next part -------------- An HTML attachment was scrubbed... URL: http://toosh.co.uk/pipermail/lifeistooshort_toosh.co.uk/attachments/20080115/7b9b3d82/attachment.html From LisaCharalambous at ivac.org.uk Tue Jan 15 14:24:25 2008 From: LisaCharalambous at ivac.org.uk (Lisa Charalambous) Date: Tue, 15 Jan 2008 14:24:25 -0000 Subject: [LifeisTOOSHort] Cats and toast-toppings In-Reply-To: <6648ae5e0801141006t16158efaj93ab2b85b2dc0448@mail.gmail.com> Message-ID: <7AD13D28C9F4D64983026D06C9F809165C9F06@ivac-dc01.IVACDOMAIN.local> Hang on hang on you lot! I'm still on how to communicate with your cat. This is fairly elementary as far as I'm concerned but I am extremely perturbed about the 'how to get your cat to sleep with you' section. Some people are shockingly desperate -----Original Message----- From: lifeistooshort-bounces at toosh.co.uk [mailto:lifeistooshort-bounces at toosh.co.uk]On Behalf Of Dave Hastings Sent: 14 January 2008 18:06 To: LifeisTOOSHort Subject: Re: [LifeisTOOSHort] Cats and toast-toppings But see this! http://www.wikihow.com/Communicate-With-Your-Cat Feline/Human interface issues resolved. Dave On 14/01/2008, David Abse < david at toosh.biz> wrote: I that it wouldn't necessarily go anywhere you wanted to. Likely to not move for 16 hours a day. Also, if my cats are anything to go by, they'd lick off the toast toppings pretty quick. But does it work with dead cats? DA On 14 Jan 2008, at 15:28, Dave Hastings wrote: I agree with Lisa's assesment, plus I would add that even if the cat did decide to take part, it would soon change its mind. The monorail systm would end up like the Northern Line. dave On 14/01/2008, Lisa Charalambous < LisaCharalambous at ivac.org.uk> wrote: This theory is flawed as it was developed by someone who knows nothing about cats - the cat has to want to form the basis of a monorail system otherwise it won't work. -----Original Message----- From: lifeistooshort-bounces at toosh.co.uk [mailto: lifeistooshort-bounces at toosh.co.uk]On Behalf Of David Abse Sent: 11 January 2008 10:19 To: lifeistooshort at toosh.co.uk Subject: [LifeisTOOSHort] Cats and toast-toppings Cat Power A magazine held a competition, inviting its readers to submit new scientific theories on ANY subject. Below is the winner: When a cat is dropped, it always lands on its feet, and when toast is dropped, it always lands buttered side down. Therefore, if a slice of toast is strapped to a cat's back, buttered side up, and the animal is then dropped, the two opposing forces will cause it to hover, spinning inches above the ground. If enough toast-laden felines were used, they could form the basis of a high-speed monorail system. .........and then this mail got this reply from one of the recipients: I've been thinking about this cat/toast business for a while. In the buttered toast case, it's the butter that causes it to land buttered side down - it doesn't have to be toast, the theory works equally well with Jacob's crackers. So to save money you just miss out the toast - and butter the cats. Also, should here be an imbalance between the effects of cat and butter, there are other substances that have a stronger affinity for carpet. Probability of carpet impact is determined by the following simple formula: p = s * t(t)/tc where p is the probability of carpet impact, s is the "stain" value of the toast-covering substance - an indicator of the effectiveness of the toast topping in permanently staining the carpet. Chicken Tikka Masala, for example, has a very high s value, while the s value of water is zero. tc and t(t) indicate the tone of the carpet and topping - the value of p being strongly related to the relationship between the colour of the carpet and topping, as even chicken tikka masala won't cause a permanent and obvious stain if the carpet is the same colour. So it is obvious that the probability of carpet impact is maximised if you use chicken tikka masala and a white carpet - in fact this combination gives a p value of one, which is the same as the probability of a cat landing on its feet. Therefore a cat with chicken tikka masala on its back will be certain to hover in mid air, while there could be problems with buttered toast as the toast may fall off the cat, causing a terrible monorail crash resulting in nauseating images of members of the royal family visiting accident victims in hospital, and politicians saying it wouldn't have happened if their party was in power as there would have been more investment in cat-toast glue research. Therefore it is in the interests not only of public safety but also public sanity if the buttered toast on cats idea is scrapped, to be replaced by a monorail powered by cats smeared with chicken tikka masala floating above a rail made from white shag pile carpet. _______________________________________________ LifeisTOOSHort mailing list LifeisTOOSHort at toosh.co.uk http://toosh.co.uk/mailman/listinfo/lifeistooshort_toosh.co.uk -- Dave Hastings t: 020 8881 3423 m: 07973 775002 w: phlex.co.uk _______________________________________________ LifeisTOOSHort mailing list LifeisTOOSHort at toosh.co.uk http://toosh.co.uk/mailman/listinfo/lifeistooshort_toosh.co.uk _______________________________________________ LifeisTOOSHort mailing list LifeisTOOSHort at toosh.co.uk http://toosh.co.uk/mailman/listinfo/lifeistooshort_toosh.co.uk -- Dave Hastings t: 020 8881 3423 m: 07973 775002 w: phlex.co.uk -------------- next part -------------- An HTML attachment was scrubbed... URL: http://toosh.co.uk/pipermail/lifeistooshort_toosh.co.uk/attachments/20080115/f8b4316b/attachment.html From david at toosh.biz Tue Jan 15 14:42:50 2008 From: david at toosh.biz (David Abse) Date: Tue, 15 Jan 2008 15:42:50 +0100 Subject: [LifeisTOOSHort] Cats and toast-toppings In-Reply-To: <7AD13D28C9F4D64983026D06C9F809165C9F06@ivac-dc01.IVACDOMAIN.local> References: <7AD13D28C9F4D64983026D06C9F809165C9F06@ivac-dc01.IVACDOMAIN.local> Message-ID: <346229EC-CD8A-43E7-8FC8-88AC88CC855B@toosh.biz> I think that some cats don't fit with the descriptions: I have two - Earnie sort of fits, but the other one, Tom, has two types of miaow: one is a squeak, the other (most common) is a whine. Whatever he's doing, or wants just sounds like a bullying complaint - "pick me up and cuddle me quicker you scum", or "feed me dirt-bag". DA On 15 Jan 2008, at 15:24, Lisa Charalambous wrote: > Hang on hang on you lot! I'm still on how to communicate with your > cat. This is fairly elementary as far as I'm concerned but I am > extremely perturbed about the 'how to get your cat to sleep with > you' section. Some people are shockingly desperate > -----Original Message----- > From: lifeistooshort-bounces at toosh.co.uk [mailto:lifeistooshort-bounces at toosh.co.uk > ]On Behalf Of Dave Hastings > Sent: 14 January 2008 18:06 > To: LifeisTOOSHort > Subject: Re: [LifeisTOOSHort] Cats and toast-toppings > > But see this! http://www.wikihow.com/Communicate-With-Your-Cat > Feline/Human interface issues resolved. > > Dave > > On 14/01/2008, David Abse wrote: > I that it wouldn't necessarily go anywhere you wanted to. Likely > to not move for 16 hours a day. Also, if my cats are anything to go > by, they'd lick off the toast toppings pretty quick. > > But does it work with dead cats? > > DA > > On 14 Jan 2008, at 15:28, Dave Hastings wrote: > >> I agree with Lisa's assesment, plus I would add that even if the >> cat did decide to take part, it would soon change its mind. The >> monorail systm would end up like the Northern Line. >> >> dave >> >> On 14/01/2008, Lisa Charalambous < LisaCharalambous at ivac.org.uk> >> wrote: >> This theory is flawed as it was developed by someone who knows >> nothing about cats - the cat has to want to form the basis of a >> monorail system otherwise it won't work. >> -----Original Message----- >> From: lifeistooshort-bounces at toosh.co.uk [mailto:lifeistooshort-bounces at toosh.co.uk >> ]On Behalf Of David Abse >> Sent: 11 January 2008 10:19 >> To: lifeistooshort at toosh.co.uk >> Subject: [LifeisTOOSHort] Cats and toast-toppings >> >> Cat Power >> >> A magazine held a competition, inviting its readers to submit new >> scientific theories on ANY subject. Below is the winner: >> >> When a cat is dropped, it always lands on its feet, and when toast >> is dropped, it always lands buttered side down. Therefore, if a >> slice of toast is strapped to a cat's back, buttered side up, and >> the animal is then dropped, the two opposing forces will cause it >> to hover, spinning inches above the ground. If enough toast-laden >> felines were used, they could form the basis of a high-speed >> monorail system. >> >> .........and then this mail got this reply from one of the >> recipients: >> >> I've been thinking about this cat/toast business for a while. In >> the buttered toast case, it's the butter that causes it to land >> buttered side down - it doesn't have to be toast, the theory works >> equally well with Jacob's crackers. So to save money you just miss >> out the toast - and butter the cats. Also, should here be an >> imbalance between the effects of cat and butter, there are other >> substances that have a stronger affinity for carpet. >> >> Probability of carpet impact is determined by the following simple >> formula: >> p = s * t(t)/tc >> where >> p is the probability of carpet impact, >> s is the "stain" value of the toast-covering substance - an >> indicator of the effectiveness of the toast topping in permanently >> staining the carpet. >> >> Chicken Tikka Masala, for example, has a very high s value, while >> the s value of water is zero. tc and t(t) indicate the tone of the >> carpet and topping - the value of p being strongly related to the >> relationship between the colour of the carpet and topping, as even >> chicken tikka masala won't cause a permanent and obvious stain if >> the carpet is the same colour. So it is obvious that the >> probability of carpet impact is maximised if you use chicken tikka >> masala and a white carpet - in fact this combination gives a p >> value of one, which is the same as the probability of a cat landing >> on its feet. Therefore a cat with chicken tikka masala on its back >> will be certain to hover in mid air, while there could be problems >> with buttered toast as the toast may fall off the cat, causing a >> terrible monorail crash resulting in nauseating images of members >> of the royal family visiting accident victims in hospital, and >> politicians saying it wouldn't have happened if their party was in >> power as there would have been more investment in cat-toast glue >> research. >> >> Therefore it is in the interests not only of public safety but also >> public sanity if the buttered toast on cats idea is scrapped, to be >> replaced by a monorail powered by cats smeared with chicken tikka >> masala floating above a rail made from white shag pile carpet. >> >> _______________________________________________ >> LifeisTOOSHort mailing list >> LifeisTOOSHort at toosh.co.uk >> http://toosh.co.uk/mailman/listinfo/lifeistooshort_toosh.co.uk >> >> >> >> >> -- >> Dave Hastings >> t: 020 8881 3423 >> m: 07973 775002 >> w: phlex.co.uk _______________________________________________ >> LifeisTOOSHort mailing list >> LifeisTOOSHort at toosh.co.uk >> http://toosh.co.uk/mailman/listinfo/lifeistooshort_toosh.co.uk > > > _______________________________________________ > LifeisTOOSHort mailing list > LifeisTOOSHort at toosh.co.uk > http://toosh.co.uk/mailman/listinfo/lifeistooshort_toosh.co.uk > > > > > -- > Dave Hastings > t: 020 8881 3423 > m: 07973 775002 > w: phlex.co.uk > _______________________________________________ > LifeisTOOSHort mailing list > LifeisTOOSHort at toosh.co.uk > http://toosh.co.uk/mailman/listinfo/lifeistooshort_toosh.co.uk -------------- next part -------------- An HTML attachment was scrubbed... URL: http://toosh.co.uk/pipermail/lifeistooshort_toosh.co.uk/attachments/20080115/1aba1d8f/attachment-0001.html From david at phlex.co.uk Tue Jan 15 15:02:24 2008 From: david at phlex.co.uk (Dave Hastings) Date: Tue, 15 Jan 2008 15:02:24 +0000 Subject: [LifeisTOOSHort] Cats and toast-toppings In-Reply-To: <346229EC-CD8A-43E7-8FC8-88AC88CC855B@toosh.biz> References: <7AD13D28C9F4D64983026D06C9F809165C9F06@ivac-dc01.IVACDOMAIN.local> <346229EC-CD8A-43E7-8FC8-88AC88CC855B@toosh.biz> Message-ID: <6648ae5e0801150702p916b3aaxa145753006336263@mail.gmail.com> I'm presuming that the cats are British (nearly wrote English there - sorry...) Have their vocalisations changed since moving to France? I' thinking of the cat in the Pepe le Peu cartoons that said 'le miaow, le purr' etc. Dave On 15/01/2008, David Abse wrote: > > I think that some cats don't fit with the descriptions: I have two - > Earnie sort of fits, but the other one, Tom, has two types of miaow: one is > a squeak, the other (most common) is a whine. Whatever he's doing, or wants > just sounds like a bullying complaint - "pick me up and cuddle me quicker > you scum", or "feed me dirt-bag". > > DA > > On 15 Jan 2008, at 15:24, Lisa Charalambous wrote: > > Hang on hang on you lot! I'm still on how to communicate with your cat. > This is fairly elementary as far as I'm concerned but I am extremely > perturbed about the 'how to get your cat to sleep with you' section. Some > people are shockingly desperate > > -----Original Message----- > *From:* lifeistooshort-bounces at toosh.co.uk [ > mailto:lifeistooshort-bounces at toosh.co.uk > ]*On Behalf Of *Dave Hastings > *Sent:* 14 January 2008 18:06 > *To:* LifeisTOOSHort > *Subject:* Re: [LifeisTOOSHort] Cats and toast-toppings > > But see this! http://www.wikihow.com/Communicate-With-Your-Cat > Feline/Human interface issues resolved. > > Dave > > On 14/01/2008, David Abse wrote: > > > > I that it wouldn't necessarily go anywhere you wanted to. Likely to > > not move for 16 hours a day. Also, if my cats are anything to go by, they'd > > lick off the toast toppings pretty quick. > > But does it work with dead cats? > > > > DA > > > > On 14 Jan 2008, at 15:28, Dave Hastings wrote: > > > > I agree with Lisa's assesment, plus I would add that even if the cat > > did decide to take part, it would soon change its mind. The monorail systm > > would end up like the Northern Line. > > > > dave > > > > On 14/01/2008, Lisa Charalambous < LisaCharalambous at ivac.org.uk> wrote: > > > > > > This theory is flawed as it was developed by someone who knows > > > nothing about cats - the cat has to want to form the basis of a monorail > > > system otherwise it won't work. > > > > > > -----Original Message----- > > > *From:* lifeistooshort-bounces at toosh.co.uk [mailto: > > > lifeistooshort-bounces at toosh.co.uk]*On Behalf Of *David Abse > > > *Sent: *11 January 2008 10:19 > > > *To:* lifeistooshort at toosh.co.uk > > > *Subject:* [LifeisTOOSHort] Cats and toast-toppings > > > > > > Cat Power > > > > > > A magazine held a competition, inviting its readers to submit new > > > scientific theories on ANY subject. Below is the winner: > > > > > > When a cat is dropped, it always lands on its feet, and when toast is > > > dropped, it always lands buttered side down. Therefore, if a slice of toast > > > is strapped to a cat's back, buttered side up, and the animal is then > > > dropped, the two opposing forces will cause it to hover, spinning inches > > > above the ground. If enough toast-laden felines were used, they could form > > > the basis of a high-speed monorail system. > > > > > > .........and then this mail got this reply from one of the > > > recipients: > > > > > > I've been thinking about this cat/toast business for a while. In the > > > buttered toast case, it's the butter that causes it to land buttered side > > > down - it doesn't have to be toast, the theory works equally well with > > > Jacob's crackers. So to save money you just miss out the toast - and butter > > > the cats. Also, should here be an imbalance between the effects of cat and > > > butter, there are other substances that have a stronger affinity for > > > carpet. > > > > > > Probability of carpet impact is determined by the following simple > > > formula: > > > p = s * t(t)/tc > > > where > > > p is the probability of carpet impact, > > > s is the "stain" value of the toast-covering substance - an indicator > > > of the effectiveness of the toast topping in permanently staining the > > > carpet. > > > > > > Chicken Tikka Masala, for example, has a very high s value, while the > > > s value of water is zero. tc and t(t) indicate the tone of the carpet and > > > topping - the value of p being strongly related to the relationship between > > > the colour of the carpet and topping, as even chicken tikka masala won't > > > cause a permanent and obvious stain if the carpet is the same colour. So it > > > is obvious that the probability of carpet impact is maximised if you use > > > chicken tikka masala and a white carpet - in fact this combination gives a p > > > value of one, which is the same as the probability of a cat landing on its > > > feet. Therefore a cat with chicken tikka masala on its back will be certain > > > to hover in mid air, while there could be problems with buttered toast as > > > the toast may fall off the cat, causing a terrible monorail crash resulting > > > in nauseating images of members of the royal family visiting accident > > > victims in hospital, and politicians saying it wouldn't have happened if > > > their party was in power as there would have been more investment in > > > cat-toast glue research. > > > > > > Therefore it is in the interests not only of public safety but also > > > public sanity if the buttered toast on cats idea is scrapped, to be replaced > > > by a monorail powered by cats smeared with chicken tikka masala floating > > > above a rail made from white shag pile carpet. > > > > > > > > > _______________________________________________ > > > LifeisTOOSHort mailing list > > > LifeisTOOSHort at toosh.co.uk > > > http://toosh.co.uk/mailman/listinfo/lifeistooshort_toosh.co.uk > > > > > > > > > > > > -- > > Dave Hastings > > t: 020 8881 3423 > > m: 07973 775002 > > w: phlex.co.uk _______________________________________________ > > LifeisTOOSHort mailing list > > LifeisTOOSHort at toosh.co.uk > > http://toosh.co.uk/mailman/listinfo/lifeistooshort_toosh.co.uk > > > > > > > > _______________________________________________ > > LifeisTOOSHort mailing list > > LifeisTOOSHort at toosh.co.uk > > http://toosh.co.uk/mailman/listinfo/lifeistooshort_toosh.co.uk > > > > > > > -- > Dave Hastings > t: 020 8881 3423 > m: 07973 775002 > w: phlex.co.uk > > _______________________________________________ > LifeisTOOSHort mailing list > LifeisTOOSHort at toosh.co.uk > http://toosh.co.uk/mailman/listinfo/lifeistooshort_toosh.co.uk > > > > _______________________________________________ > LifeisTOOSHort mailing list > LifeisTOOSHort at toosh.co.uk > http://toosh.co.uk/mailman/listinfo/lifeistooshort_toosh.co.uk > > -- Dave Hastings t: 020 8881 3423 m: 07973 775002 w: phlex.co.uk -------------- next part -------------- An HTML attachment was scrubbed... URL: http://toosh.co.uk/pipermail/lifeistooshort_toosh.co.uk/attachments/20080115/8f84914c/attachment.html From LisaCharalambous at ivac.org.uk Tue Jan 15 17:02:32 2008 From: LisaCharalambous at ivac.org.uk (Lisa Charalambous) Date: Tue, 15 Jan 2008 17:02:32 -0000 Subject: [LifeisTOOSHort] Cats and toast-toppings In-Reply-To: <346229EC-CD8A-43E7-8FC8-88AC88CC855B@toosh.biz> Message-ID: <7AD13D28C9F4D64983026D06C9F809165C9F09@ivac-dc01.IVACDOMAIN.local> Don't let your cat talk to you like that (PS It's IVAC's AGM tonight!) -----Original Message----- From: lifeistooshort-bounces at toosh.co.uk [mailto:lifeistooshort-bounces at toosh.co.uk]On Behalf Of David Abse Sent: 15 January 2008 14:43 To: LifeisTOOSHort Subject: Re: [LifeisTOOSHort] Cats and toast-toppings I think that some cats don't fit with the descriptions: I have two - Earnie sort of fits, but the other one, Tom, has two types of miaow: one is a squeak, the other (most common) is a whine. Whatever he's doing, or wants just sounds like a bullying complaint - "pick me up and cuddle me quicker you scum", or "feed me dirt-bag". DA On 15 Jan 2008, at 15:24, Lisa Charalambous wrote: Hang on hang on you lot! I'm still on how to communicate with your cat. This is fairly elementary as far as I'm concerned but I am extremely perturbed about the 'how to get your cat to sleep with you' section. Some people are shockingly desperate -----Original Message----- From: lifeistooshort-bounces at toosh.co.uk [ mailto:lifeistooshort-bounces at toosh.co.uk]On Behalf Of Dave Hastings Sent: 14 January 2008 18:06 To: LifeisTOOSHort Subject: Re: [LifeisTOOSHort] Cats and toast-toppings But see this! http://www.wikihow.com/Communicate-With-Your-Cat Feline/Human interface issues resolved. Dave On 14/01/2008, David Abse < david at toosh.biz> wrote: I that it wouldn't necessarily go anywhere you wanted to. Likely to not move for 16 hours a day. Also, if my cats are anything to go by, they'd lick off the toast toppings pretty quick. But does it work with dead cats? DA On 14 Jan 2008, at 15:28, Dave Hastings wrote: I agree with Lisa's assesment, plus I would add that even if the cat did decide to take part, it would soon change its mind. The monorail systm would end up like the Northern Line. dave On 14/01/2008, Lisa Charalambous < LisaCharalambous at ivac.org.uk> wrote: This theory is flawed as it was developed by someone who knows nothing about cats - the cat has to want to form the basis of a monorail system otherwise it won't work. -----Original Message----- From: lifeistooshort-bounces at toosh.co.uk [mailto: lifeistooshort-bounces at toosh.co.uk]On Behalf Of David Abse Sent: 11 January 2008 10:19 To: lifeistooshort at toosh.co.uk Subject: [LifeisTOOSHort] Cats and toast-toppings Cat Power A magazine held a competition, inviting its readers to submit new scientific theories on ANY subject. Below is the winner: When a cat is dropped, it always lands on its feet, and when toast is dropped, it always lands buttered side down. Therefore, if a slice of toast is strapped to a cat's back, buttered side up, and the animal is then dropped, the two opposing forces will cause it to hover, spinning inches above the ground. If enough toast-laden felines were used, they could form the basis of a high-speed monorail system. .........and then this mail got this reply from one of the recipients: I've been thinking about this cat/toast business for a while. In the buttered toast case, it's the butter that causes it to land buttered side down - it doesn't have to be toast, the theory works equally well with Jacob's crackers. So to save money you just miss out the toast - and butter the cats. Also, should here be an imbalance between the effects of cat and butter, there are other substances that have a stronger affinity for carpet. Probability of carpet impact is determined by the following simple formula: p = s * t(t)/tc where p is the probability of carpet impact, s is the "stain" value of the toast-covering substance - an indicator of the effectiveness of the toast topping in permanently staining the carpet. Chicken Tikka Masala, for example, has a very high s value, while the s value of water is zero. tc and t(t) indicate the tone of the carpet and topping - the value of p being strongly related to the relationship between the colour of the carpet and topping, as even chicken tikka masala won't cause a permanent and obvious stain if the carpet is the same colour. So it is obvious that the probability of carpet impact is maximised if you use chicken tikka masala and a white carpet - in fact this combination gives a p value of one, which is the same as the probability of a cat landing on its feet. Therefore a cat with chicken tikka masala on its back will be certain to hover in mid air, while there could be problems with buttered toast as the toast may fall off the cat, causing a terrible monorail crash resulting in nauseating images of members of the royal family visiting accident victims in hospital, and politicians saying it wouldn't have happened if their party was in power as there would have been more investment in cat-toast glue research. Therefore it is in the interests not only of public safety but also public sanity if the buttered toast on cats idea is scrapped, to be replaced by a monorail powered by cats smeared with chicken tikka masala floating above a rail made from white shag pile carpet. _______________________________________________ LifeisTOOSHort mailing list LifeisTOOSHort at toosh.co.uk http://toosh.co.uk/mailman/listinfo/lifeistooshort_toosh.co.uk -- Dave Hastings t: 020 8881 3423 m: 07973 775002 w: phlex.co.uk _______________________________________________ LifeisTOOSHort mailing list LifeisTOOSHort at toosh.co.uk http://toosh.co.uk/mailman/listinfo/lifeistooshort_toosh.co.uk _______________________________________________ LifeisTOOSHort mailing list LifeisTOOSHort at toosh.co.uk http://toosh.co.uk/mailman/listinfo/lifeistooshort_toosh.co.uk -- Dave Hastings t: 020 8881 3423 m: 07973 775002 w: phlex.co.uk _______________________________________________ LifeisTOOSHort mailing list LifeisTOOSHort at toosh.co.uk http://toosh.co.uk/mailman/listinfo/lifeistooshort_toosh.co.uk -------------- next part -------------- An HTML attachment was scrubbed... URL: http://toosh.co.uk/pipermail/lifeistooshort_toosh.co.uk/attachments/20080115/3c73abf0/attachment-0001.html From david at toosh.biz Tue Jan 15 19:23:06 2008 From: david at toosh.biz (David Abse) Date: Tue, 15 Jan 2008 20:23:06 +0100 Subject: [LifeisTOOSHort] Cats and toast-toppings In-Reply-To: <6648ae5e0801150702p916b3aaxa145753006336263@mail.gmail.com> References: <7AD13D28C9F4D64983026D06C9F809165C9F06@ivac-dc01.IVACDOMAIN.local> <346229EC-CD8A-43E7-8FC8-88AC88CC855B@toosh.biz> <6648ae5e0801150702p916b3aaxa145753006336263@mail.gmail.com> Message-ID: <133E2307-EDA5-40A6-AE44-05E9E088F6E1@toosh.biz> Non. Ils sont chats de France. Ils parle "chatois". En France c'est "le miaou". DA On 15 Jan 2008, at 16:02, Dave Hastings wrote: > I'm presuming that the cats are British (nearly wrote English there > - sorry...) Have their vocalisations changed since moving to > France? I' thinking of the cat in the Pepe le Peu cartoons that > said 'le miaow, le purr' etc. > > Dave > > On 15/01/2008, David Abse wrote: > I think that some cats don't fit with the descriptions: I have two - > Earnie sort of fits, but the other one, Tom, has two types of miaow: > one is a squeak, the other (most common) is a whine. Whatever he's > doing, or wants just sounds like a bullying complaint - "pick me up > and cuddle me quicker you scum", or "feed me dirt-bag". > > DA > > On 15 Jan 2008, at 15:24, Lisa Charalambous wrote: > >> Hang on hang on you lot! I'm still on how to communicate with your >> cat. This is fairly elementary as far as I'm concerned but I am >> extremely perturbed about the 'how to get your cat to sleep with >> you' section. Some people are shockingly desperate >> -----Original Message----- >> From: lifeistooshort-bounces at toosh.co.uk [mailto:lifeistooshort-bounces at toosh.co.uk >> ]On Behalf Of Dave Hastings >> Sent: 14 January 2008 18:06 >> To: LifeisTOOSHort >> Subject: Re: [LifeisTOOSHort] Cats and toast-toppings >> >> But see this! http://www.wikihow.com/Communicate-With-Your-Cat >> Feline/Human interface issues resolved. >> >> Dave >> >> On 14/01/2008, David Abse < david at toosh.biz> wrote: >> I that it wouldn't necessarily go anywhere you wanted to. Likely >> to not move for 16 hours a day. Also, if my cats are anything to go >> by, they'd lick off the toast toppings pretty quick. >> >> But does it work with dead cats? >> >> DA >> >> On 14 Jan 2008, at 15:28, Dave Hastings wrote: >> >>> I agree with Lisa's assesment, plus I would add that even if the >>> cat did decide to take part, it would soon change its mind. The >>> monorail systm would end up like the Northern Line. >>> >>> dave >>> >>> On 14/01/2008, Lisa Charalambous < LisaCharalambous at ivac.org.uk> >>> wrote: >>> This theory is flawed as it was developed by someone who knows >>> nothing about cats - the cat has to want to form the basis of a >>> monorail system otherwise it won't work. >>> -----Original Message----- >>> From: lifeistooshort-bounces at toosh.co.uk [mailto:lifeistooshort-bounces at toosh.co.uk >>> ]On Behalf Of David Abse >>> Sent: 11 January 2008 10:19 >>> To: lifeistooshort at toosh.co.uk >>> Subject: [LifeisTOOSHort] Cats and toast-toppings >>> >>> Cat Power >>> >>> A magazine held a competition, inviting its readers to submit new >>> scientific theories on ANY subject. Below is the winner: >>> >>> When a cat is dropped, it always lands on its feet, and when toast >>> is dropped, it always lands buttered side down. Therefore, if a >>> slice of toast is strapped to a cat's back, buttered side up, and >>> the animal is then dropped, the two opposing forces will cause it >>> to hover, spinning inches above the ground. If enough toast-laden >>> felines were used, they could form the basis of a high-speed >>> monorail system. >>> >>> .........and then this mail got this reply from one of the >>> recipients: >>> >>> I've been thinking about this cat/toast business for a while. In >>> the buttered toast case, it's the butter that causes it to land >>> buttered side down - it doesn't have to be toast, the theory works >>> equally well with Jacob's crackers. So to save money you just miss >>> out the toast - and butter the cats. Also, should here be an >>> imbalance between the effects of cat and butter, there are other >>> substances that have a stronger affinity for carpet. >>> >>> Probability of carpet impact is determined by the following simple >>> formula: >>> p = s * t(t)/tc >>> where >>> p is the probability of carpet impact, >>> s is the "stain" value of the toast-covering substance - an >>> indicator of the effectiveness of the toast topping in permanently >>> staining the carpet. >>> >>> Chicken Tikka Masala, for example, has a very high s value, while >>> the s value of water is zero. tc and t(t) indicate the tone of the >>> carpet and topping - the value of p being strongly related to the >>> relationship between the colour of the carpet and topping, as even >>> chicken tikka masala won't cause a permanent and obvious stain if >>> the carpet is the same colour. So it is obvious that the >>> probability of carpet impact is maximised if you use chicken tikka >>> masala and a white carpet - in fact this combination gives a p >>> value of one, which is the same as the probability of a cat >>> landing on its feet. Therefore a cat with chicken tikka masala on >>> its back will be certain to hover in mid air, while there could be >>> problems with buttered toast as the toast may fall off the cat, >>> causing a terrible monorail crash resulting in nauseating images >>> of members of the royal family visiting accident victims in >>> hospital, and politicians saying it wouldn't have happened if >>> their party was in power as there would have been more investment >>> in cat-toast glue research. >>> >>> Therefore it is in the interests not only of public safety but >>> also public sanity if the buttered toast on cats idea is scrapped, >>> to be replaced by a monorail powered by cats smeared with chicken >>> tikka masala floating above a rail made from white shag pile carpet. >>> >>> _______________________________________________ >>> LifeisTOOSHort mailing list >>> LifeisTOOSHort at toosh.co.uk >>> http://toosh.co.uk/mailman/listinfo/lifeistooshort_toosh.co.uk >>> >>> >>> >>> >>> -- >>> Dave Hastings >>> t: 020 8881 3423 >>> m: 07973 775002 >>> w: phlex.co.uk _______________________________________________ >>> LifeisTOOSHort mailing list >>> LifeisTOOSHort at toosh.co.uk >>> http://toosh.co.uk/mailman/listinfo/lifeistooshort_toosh.co.uk >> >> >> _______________________________________________ >> LifeisTOOSHort mailing list >> LifeisTOOSHort at toosh.co.uk >> http://toosh.co.uk/mailman/listinfo/lifeistooshort_toosh.co.uk >> >> >> >> >> -- >> Dave Hastings >> t: 020 8881 3423 >> m: 07973 775002 >> w: phlex.co.uk >> _______________________________________________ >> LifeisTOOSHort mailing list >> LifeisTOOSHort at toosh.co.uk >> http://toosh.co.uk/mailman/listinfo/lifeistooshort_toosh.co.uk > > > _______________________________________________ > LifeisTOOSHort mailing list > LifeisTOOSHort at toosh.co.uk > http://toosh.co.uk/mailman/listinfo/lifeistooshort_toosh.co.uk > > > > > -- > Dave Hastings > t: 020 8881 3423 > m: 07973 775002 > w: phlex.co.uk _______________________________________________ > LifeisTOOSHort mailing list > LifeisTOOSHort at toosh.co.uk > http://toosh.co.uk/mailman/listinfo/lifeistooshort_toosh.co.uk -------------- next part -------------- An HTML attachment was scrubbed... URL: http://toosh.co.uk/pipermail/lifeistooshort_toosh.co.uk/attachments/20080115/b021ee59/attachment.html From david at toosh.biz Tue Jan 15 19:24:06 2008 From: david at toosh.biz (David Abse) Date: Tue, 15 Jan 2008 20:24:06 +0100 Subject: [LifeisTOOSHort] Cats and toast-toppings In-Reply-To: <7AD13D28C9F4D64983026D06C9F809165C9F09@ivac-dc01.IVACDOMAIN.local> References: <7AD13D28C9F4D64983026D06C9F809165C9F09@ivac-dc01.IVACDOMAIN.local> Message-ID: <81DC7AD2-8C45-43C2-A2C6-32442719CCA4@toosh.biz> Gosh, what a shame I'm missing it. Funny time of year to be having an AGM - kind of indicates an inability to hold it the normal time... DA On 15 Jan 2008, at 18:02, Lisa Charalambous wrote: > Don't let your cat talk to you like that > > > (PS It's IVAC's AGM tonight!) > -----Original Message----- > From: lifeistooshort-bounces at toosh.co.uk [mailto:lifeistooshort-bounces at toosh.co.uk > ]On Behalf Of David Abse > Sent: 15 January 2008 14:43 > To: LifeisTOOSHort > Subject: Re: [LifeisTOOSHort] Cats and toast-toppings > > I think that some cats don't fit with the descriptions: I have two - > Earnie sort of fits, but the other one, Tom, has two types of miaow: > one is a squeak, the other (most common) is a whine. Whatever he's > doing, or wants just sounds like a bullying complaint - "pick me up > and cuddle me quicker you scum", or "feed me dirt-bag". > > DA > > On 15 Jan 2008, at 15:24, Lisa Charalambous wrote: > >> Hang on hang on you lot! I'm still on how to communicate with your >> cat. This is fairly elementary as far as I'm concerned but I am >> extremely perturbed about the 'how to get your cat to sleep with >> you' section. Some people are shockingly desperate >> -----Original Message----- >> From: lifeistooshort-bounces at toosh.co.uk [mailto:lifeistooshort-bounces at toosh.co.uk >> ]On Behalf Of Dave Hastings >> Sent: 14 January 2008 18:06 >> To: LifeisTOOSHort >> Subject: Re: [LifeisTOOSHort] Cats and toast-toppings >> >> But see this! http://www.wikihow.com/Communicate-With-Your-Cat >> Feline/Human interface issues resolved. >> >> Dave >> >> On 14/01/2008, David Abse wrote: >> I that it wouldn't necessarily go anywhere you wanted to. Likely >> to not move for 16 hours a day. Also, if my cats are >> anything to go by, they'd lick off the toast toppings pretty quick. >> >> But does it work with dead cats? >> >> DA >> >> On 14 Jan 2008, at 15:28, Dave Hastings wrote: >> >>> I agree with Lisa's assesment, plus I would add that even if the >>> cat did decide to take part, it would soon change its mind. The >>> monorail systm would end up like the Northern Line. >>> >>> dave >>> >>> On 14/01/2008, Lisa Charalambous < LisaCharalambous at ivac.org.uk> >>> wrote: >>> This theory is flawed as it was developed by someone who knows >>> nothing about cats - the cat has to want to form the basis of a >>> monorail system otherwise it won't work. >>> -----Original Message----- >>> From: lifeistooshort-bounces at toosh.co.uk [mailto:lifeistooshort-bounces at toosh.co.uk >>> ]On Behalf Of David Abse >>> Sent: 11 January 2008 10:19 >>> To: lifeistooshort at toosh.co.uk >>> Subject: [LifeisTOOSHort] Cats and toast-toppings >>> >>> Cat Power >>> >>> A magazine held a competition, inviting its readers to submit new >>> scientific theories on ANY subject. Below is the winner: >>> >>> When a cat is dropped, it always lands on its feet, and when toast >>> is dropped, it always lands buttered side down. Therefore, if a >>> slice of toast is strapped to a cat's back, buttered side up, and >>> the animal is then dropped, the two opposing forces will cause it >>> to hover, spinning inches above the ground. If enough toast-laden >>> felines were used, they could form the basis of a high-speed >>> monorail system. >>> >>> .........and then this mail got this reply from one of the >>> recipients: >>> >>> I've been thinking about this cat/toast business for a while. In >>> the buttered toast case, it's the butter that causes it to land >>> buttered side down - it doesn't have to be toast, the theory works >>> equally well with Jacob's crackers. So to save money you just miss >>> out the toast - and butter the cats. Also, should here be an >>> imbalance between the effects of cat and butter, there are other >>> substances that have a stronger affinity for carpet. >>> >>> Probability of carpet impact is determined by the following simple >>> formula: >>> p = s * t(t)/tc >>> where >>> p is the probability of carpet impact, >>> s is the "stain" value of the toast-covering substance - an >>> indicator of the effectiveness of the toast topping in permanently >>> staining the carpet. >>> >>> Chicken Tikka Masala, for example, has a very high s value, while >>> the s value of water is zero. tc and t(t) indicate the tone of the >>> carpet and topping - the value of p being strongly related to the >>> relationship between the colour of the carpet and topping, as even >>> chicken tikka masala won't cause a permanent and obvious stain if >>> the carpet is the same colour. So it is obvious that the >>> probability of carpet impact is maximised if you use chicken tikka >>> masala and a white carpet - in fact this combination gives a p >>> value of one, which is the same as the probability of a cat >>> landing on its feet. Therefore a cat with chicken tikka masala on >>> its back will be certain to hover in mid air, while there could be >>> problems with buttered toast as the toast may fall >>> off the cat, causing a terrible monorail crash resulting in >>> nauseating images of members of the royal family visiting accident >>> victims in hospital, and politicians saying it wouldn't have >>> happened if their party was in power as there would have been more >>> investment in cat-toast glue research. >>> >>> Therefore it is in the interests not only of public safety but >>> also public sanity if the buttered toast on cats idea is scrapped, >>> to be replaced by a monorail powered by cats smeared with chicken >>> tikka masala floating above a rail made from white shag pile carpet. >>> >>> _______________________________________________ >>> LifeisTOOSHort mailing list >>> LifeisTOOSHort at toosh.co.uk >>> http://toosh.co.uk/mailman/listinfo/lifeistooshort_toosh.co.uk >>> >>> >>> >>> >>> -- >>> Dave Hastings >>> t: 020 8881 3423 >>> m: 07973 775002 >>> w: phlex.co.uk _______________________________________________ >>> LifeisTOOSHort mailing list >>> LifeisTOOSHort at toosh.co.uk >>> http://toosh.co.uk/mailman/listinfo/lifeistooshort_toosh.co.uk >> >> >> _______________________________________________ >> LifeisTOOSHort mailing list >> LifeisTOOSHort at toosh.co.uk >> http://toosh.co.uk/mailman/listinfo/lifeistooshort_toosh.co.uk >> >> >> >> >> -- >> Dave Hastings >> t: 020 8881 3423 >> m: 07973 775002 >> w: phlex.co.uk >> _______________________________________________ >> LifeisTOOSHort mailing list >> LifeisTOOSHort at toosh.co.uk >> http://toosh.co.uk/mailman/listinfo/lifeistooshort_toosh.co.uk > > _______________________________________________ > LifeisTOOSHort mailing list > LifeisTOOSHort at toosh.co.uk > http://toosh.co.uk/mailman/listinfo/lifeistooshort_toosh.co.uk -------------- next part -------------- An HTML attachment was scrubbed... URL: http://toosh.co.uk/pipermail/lifeistooshort_toosh.co.uk/attachments/20080115/532767e4/attachment-0001.html From david at phlex.co.uk Thu Jan 17 12:38:00 2008 From: david at phlex.co.uk (Dave Hastings) Date: Thu, 17 Jan 2008 12:38:00 +0000 Subject: [LifeisTOOSHort] Cats and toast-toppings In-Reply-To: <81DC7AD2-8C45-43C2-A2C6-32442719CCA4@toosh.biz> References: <7AD13D28C9F4D64983026D06C9F809165C9F09@ivac-dc01.IVACDOMAIN.local> <81DC7AD2-8C45-43C2-A2C6-32442719CCA4@toosh.biz> Message-ID: <6648ae5e0801170438o7161ee64u62571c8a5d0d25ac@mail.gmail.com> Slightly off topic, but hot news and may have future implications for the monorail. Scientist: Computer can help your dog communicate Dave On 15/01/2008, David Abse wrote: > > Gosh, what a shame I'm missing it. Funny time of year to be having an AGM > - kind of indicates an inability to hold it the normal time... > DA > > On 15 Jan 2008, at 18:02, Lisa Charalambous wrote: > > Don't let your cat talk to you like that > > > (PS It's IVAC's AGM tonight!) > > -----Original Message----- > *From:* lifeistooshort-bounces at toosh.co.uk [ > mailto:lifeistooshort-bounces at toosh.co.uk > ]*On Behalf Of *David Abse > *Sent:* 15 January 2008 14:43 > *To:* LifeisTOOSHort > *Subject:* Re: [LifeisTOOSHort] Cats and toast-toppings > > I think that some cats don't fit with the descriptions: I have two - > Earnie sort of fits, but the other one, Tom, has two types of miaow: one is > a squeak, the other (most common) is a whine. Whatever he's doing, or wants > just sounds like a bullying complaint - "pick me up and cuddle me quicker > you scum", or "feed me dirt-bag". > > DA > > On 15 Jan 2008, at 15:24, Lisa Charalambous wrote: > > Hang on hang on you lot! I'm still on how to communicate with your cat. > This is fairly elementary as far as I'm concerned but I am extremely > perturbed about the 'how to get your cat to sleep with you' section. Some > people are shockingly desperate > > -----Original Message----- > *From:* lifeistooshort-bounces at toosh.co.uk [ > mailto:lifeistooshort-bounces at toosh.co.uk > ]*On Behalf Of *Dave Hastings > *Sent:* 14 January 2008 18:06 > *To:* LifeisTOOSHort > *Subject:* Re: [LifeisTOOSHort] Cats and toast-toppings > > But see this! http://www.wikihow.com/Communicate-With-Your-Cat > Feline/Human interface issues resolved. > > Dave > > On 14/01/2008, David Abse wrote: > > > > I that it wouldn't necessarily go anywhere you wanted to. Likely to > > not move for 16 hours a day. Also, if my cats are anything to go by, they'd > > lick off the toast toppings pretty quick. > > But does it work with dead cats? > > > > DA > > > > On 14 Jan 2008, at 15:28, Dave Hastings wrote: > > > > I agree with Lisa's assesment, plus I would add that even if the cat > > did decide to take part, it would soon change its mind. The monorail systm > > would end up like the Northern Line. > > > > dave > > > > On 14/01/2008, Lisa Charalambous < LisaCharalambous at ivac.org.uk> wrote: > > > > > > This theory is flawed as it was developed by someone who knows > > > nothing about cats - the cat has to want to form the basis of a monorail > > > system otherwise it won't work. > > > > > > -----Original Message----- > > > *From:* lifeistooshort-bounces at toosh.co.uk [mailto: > > > lifeistooshort-bounces at toosh.co.uk]*On Behalf Of *David Abse > > > *Sent: *11 January 2008 10:19 > > > *To:* lifeistooshort at toosh.co.uk > > > *Subject:* [LifeisTOOSHort] Cats and toast-toppings > > > > > > Cat Power > > > > > > A magazine held a competition, inviting its readers to submit new > > > scientific theories on ANY subject. Below is the winner: > > > > > > When a cat is dropped, it always lands on its feet, and when toast is > > > dropped, it always lands buttered side down. Therefore, if a slice of toast > > > is strapped to a cat's back, buttered side up, and the animal is then > > > dropped, the two opposing forces will cause it to hover, spinning inches > > > above the ground. If enough toast-laden felines were used, they could form > > > the basis of a high-speed monorail system. > > > > > > .........and then this mail got this reply from one of the > > > recipients: > > > > > > I've been thinking about this cat/toast business for a while. In the > > > buttered toast case, it's the butter that causes it to land buttered side > > > down - it doesn't have to be toast, the theory works equally well with > > > Jacob's crackers. So to save money you just miss out the toast - and butter > > > the cats. Also, should here be an imbalance between the effects of cat and > > > butter, there are other substances that have a stronger affinity for > > > carpet. > > > > > > Probability of carpet impact is determined by the following simple > > > formula: > > > p = s * t(t)/tc > > > where > > > p is the probability of carpet impact, > > > s is the "stain" value of the toast-covering substance - an indicator > > > of the effectiveness of the toast topping in permanently staining the > > > carpet. > > > > > > Chicken Tikka Masala, for example, has a very high s value, while the > > > s value of water is zero. tc and t(t) indicate the tone of the carpet and > > > topping - the value of p being strongly related to the relationship between > > > the colour of the carpet and topping, as even chicken tikka masala won't > > > cause a permanent and obvious stain if the carpet is the same colour. So it > > > is obvious that the probability of carpet impact is maximised if you use > > > chicken tikka masala and a white carpet - in fact this combination gives a p > > > value of one, which is the same as the probability of a cat landing on its > > > feet. Therefore a cat with chicken tikka masala on its back will be certain > > > to hover in mid air, while there could be problems with buttered toast as > > > the toast may fall off the cat, causing a terrible monorail crash resulting > > > in nauseating images of members of the royal family visiting accident > > > victims in hospital, and politicians saying it wouldn't have happened if > > > their party was in power as there would have been more investment in > > > cat-toast glue research. > > > > > > Therefore it is in the interests not only of public safety but also > > > public sanity if the buttered toast on cats idea is scrapped, to be replaced > > > by a monorail powered by cats smeared with chicken tikka masala floating > > > above a rail made from white shag pile carpet. > > > > > > > > > _______________________________________________ > > > LifeisTOOSHort mailing list > > > LifeisTOOSHort at toosh.co.uk > > > http://toosh.co.uk/mailman/listinfo/lifeistooshort_toosh.co.uk > > > > > > > > > > > > -- > > Dave Hastings > > t: 020 8881 3423 > > m: 07973 775002 > > w: phlex.co.uk _______________________________________________ > > LifeisTOOSHort mailing list > > LifeisTOOSHort at toosh.co.uk > > http://toosh.co.uk/mailman/listinfo/lifeistooshort_toosh.co.uk > > > > > > > > _______________________________________________ > > LifeisTOOSHort mailing list > > LifeisTOOSHort at toosh.co.uk > > http://toosh.co.uk/mailman/listinfo/lifeistooshort_toosh.co.uk > > > > > > > -- > Dave Hastings > t: 020 8881 3423 > m: 07973 775002 > w: phlex.co.uk > > _______________________________________________ > LifeisTOOSHort mailing list > LifeisTOOSHort at toosh.co.uk > http://toosh.co.uk/mailman/listinfo/lifeistooshort_toosh.co.uk > > > _______________________________________________ > LifeisTOOSHort mailing list > LifeisTOOSHort at toosh.co.uk > http://toosh.co.uk/mailman/listinfo/lifeistooshort_toosh.co.uk > > > > _______________________________________________ > LifeisTOOSHort mailing list > LifeisTOOSHort at toosh.co.uk > http://toosh.co.uk/mailman/listinfo/lifeistooshort_toosh.co.uk > > -- Dave Hastings t: 020 8881 3423 m: 07973 775002 w: phlex.co.uk -------------- next part -------------- An HTML attachment was scrubbed... URL: http://toosh.co.uk/pipermail/lifeistooshort_toosh.co.uk/attachments/20080117/5fb38737/attachment.html From LisaCharalambous at ivac.org.uk Thu Jan 17 12:42:54 2008 From: LisaCharalambous at ivac.org.uk (Lisa Charalambous) Date: Thu, 17 Jan 2008 12:42:54 -0000 Subject: [LifeisTOOSHort] Cats and toast-toppings In-Reply-To: <6648ae5e0801170438o7161ee64u62571c8a5d0d25ac@mail.gmail.com> Message-ID: <7AD13D28C9F4D64983026D06C9F809165C9F27@ivac-dc01.IVACDOMAIN.local> They should just talk to the cat people who seem to have sussed it out without the use of computers Are you at a bit of a loose end Dave? -----Original Message----- From: lifeistooshort-bounces at toosh.co.uk [mailto:lifeistooshort-bounces at toosh.co.uk]On Behalf Of Dave Hastings Sent: 17 January 2008 12:38 To: LifeisTOOSHort Subject: Re: [LifeisTOOSHort] Cats and toast-toppings Slightly off topic, but hot news and may have future implications for the monorail. Scientist: Computer can help your dog communicate Dave On 15/01/2008, David Abse < david at toosh.biz> wrote: Gosh, what a shame I'm missing it. Funny time of year to be having an AGM - kind of indicates an inability to hold it the normal time... DA On 15 Jan 2008, at 18:02, Lisa Charalambous wrote: Don't let your cat talk to you like that (PS It's IVAC's AGM tonight!) -----Original Message----- From: lifeistooshort-bounces at toosh.co.uk [ mailto:lifeistooshort-bounces at toosh.co.uk]On Behalf Of David Abse Sent: 15 January 2008 14:43 To: LifeisTOOSHort Subject: Re: [LifeisTOOSHort] Cats and toast-toppings I think that some cats don't fit with the descriptions: I have two - Earnie sort of fits, but the other one, Tom, has two types of miaow: one is a squeak, the other (most common) is a whine. Whatever he's doing, or wants just sounds like a bullying complaint - "pick me up and cuddle me quicker you scum", or "feed me dirt-bag". DA On 15 Jan 2008, at 15:24, Lisa Charalambous wrote: Hang on hang on you lot! I'm still on how to communicate with your cat. This is fairly elementary as far as I'm concerned but I am extremely perturbed about the 'how to get your cat to sleep with you' section. Some people are shockingly desperate -----Original Message----- From: lifeistooshort-bounces at toosh.co.uk [ mailto:lifeistooshort-bounces at toosh.co.uk]On Behalf Of Dave Hastings Sent: 14 January 2008 18:06 To: LifeisTOOSHort Subject: Re: [LifeisTOOSHort] Cats and toast-toppings But see this! http://www.wikihow.com/Communicate-With-Your-Cat Feline/Human interface issues resolved. Dave On 14/01/2008, David Abse < david at toosh.biz> wrote: I that it wouldn't necessarily go anywhere you wanted to. Likely to not move for 16 hours a day. Also, if my cats are anything to go by, they'd lick off the toast toppings pretty quick. But does it work with dead cats? DA On 14 Jan 2008, at 15:28, Dave Hastings wrote: I agree with Lisa's assesment, plus I would add that even if the cat did decide to take part, it would soon change its mind. The monorail systm would end up like the Northern Line. dave On 14/01/2008, Lisa Charalambous < LisaCharalambous at ivac.org.uk> wrote: This theory is flawed as it was developed by someone who knows nothing about cats - the cat has to want to form the basis of a monorail system otherwise it won't work. -----Original Message----- From: lifeistooshort-bounces at toosh.co.uk [mailto: lifeistooshort-bounces at toosh.co.uk]On Behalf Of David Abse Sent: 11 January 2008 10:19 To: lifeistooshort at toosh.co.uk Subject: [LifeisTOOSHort] Cats and toast-toppings Cat Power A magazine held a competition, inviting its readers to submit new scientific theories on ANY subject. Below is the winner: When a cat is dropped, it always lands on its feet, and when toast is dropped, it always lands buttered side down. Therefore, if a slice of toast is strapped to a cat's back, buttered side up, and the animal is then dropped, the two opposing forces will cause it to hover, spinning inches above the ground. If enough toast-laden felines were used, they could form the basis of a high-speed monorail system. .........and then this mail got this reply from one of the recipients: I've been thinking about this cat/toast business for a while. In the buttered toast case, it's the butter that causes it to land buttered side down - it doesn't have to be toast, the theory works equally well with Jacob's crackers. So to save money you just miss out the toast - and butter the cats. Also, should here be an imbalance between the effects of cat and butter, there are other substances that have a stronger affinity for carpet. Probability of carpet impact is determined by the following simple formula: p = s * t(t)/tc where p is the probability of carpet impact, s is the "stain" value of the toast-covering substance - an indicator of the effectiveness of the toast topping in permanently staining the carpet. Chicken Tikka Masala, for example, has a very high s value, while the s value of water is zero. tc and t(t) indicate the tone of the carpet and topping - the value of p being strongly related to the relationship between the colour of the carpet and topping, as even chicken tikka masala won't cause a permanent and obvious stain if the carpet is the same colour. So it is obvious that the probability of carpet impact is maximised if you use chicken tikka masala and a white carpet - in fact this combination gives a p value of one, which is the same as the probability of a cat landing on its feet. Therefore a cat with chicken tikka masala on its back will be certain to hover in mid air, while there could be problems with buttered toast as the toast may fall off the cat, causing a terrible monorail crash resulting in nauseating images of members of the royal family visiting accident victims in hospital, and politicians saying it wouldn't have happened if their party was in power as there would have been more investment in cat-toast glue research. Therefore it is in the interests not only of public safety but also public sanity if the buttered toast on cats idea is scrapped, to be replaced by a monorail powered by cats smeared with chicken tikka masala floating above a rail made from white shag pile carpet. _______________________________________________ LifeisTOOSHort mailing list LifeisTOOSHort at toosh.co.uk http://toosh.co.uk/mailman/listinfo/lifeistooshort_toosh.co.uk -- Dave Hastings t: 020 8881 3423 m: 07973 775002 w: phlex.co.uk _______________________________________________ LifeisTOOSHort mailing list LifeisTOOSHort at toosh.co.uk http://toosh.co.uk/mailman/listinfo/lifeistooshort_toosh.co.uk _______________________________________________ LifeisTOOSHort mailing list LifeisTOOSHort at toosh.co.uk http://toosh.co.uk/mailman/listinfo/lifeistooshort_toosh.co.uk -- Dave Hastings t: 020 8881 3423 m: 07973 775002 w: phlex.co.uk _______________________________________________ LifeisTOOSHort mailing list LifeisTOOSHort at toosh.co.uk http://toosh.co.uk/mailman/listinfo/lifeistooshort_toosh.co.uk _______________________________________________ LifeisTOOSHort mailing list LifeisTOOSHort at toosh.co.uk http://toosh.co.uk/mailman/listinfo/lifeistooshort_toosh.co.uk _______________________________________________ LifeisTOOSHort mailing list LifeisTOOSHort at toosh.co.uk http://toosh.co.uk/mailman/listinfo/lifeistooshort_toosh.co.uk -- Dave Hastings t: 020 8881 3423 m: 07973 775002 w: phlex.co.uk -------------- next part -------------- An HTML attachment was scrubbed... URL: http://toosh.co.uk/pipermail/lifeistooshort_toosh.co.uk/attachments/20080117/caadac51/attachment-0001.html From david at toosh.biz Thu Jan 17 12:56:50 2008 From: david at toosh.biz (David Abse) Date: Thu, 17 Jan 2008 13:56:50 +0100 Subject: [LifeisTOOSHort] Cats and toast-toppings In-Reply-To: <7AD13D28C9F4D64983026D06C9F809165C9F27@ivac-dc01.IVACDOMAIN.local> References: <7AD13D28C9F4D64983026D06C9F809165C9F27@ivac-dc01.IVACDOMAIN.local> Message-ID: <80BAD28B-EE6B-42D3-96F9-8DFE042746AE@toosh.biz> How were the speeches at the AGM? More sense from cats and dogs? DA On 17 Jan 2008, at 13:42, Lisa Charalambous wrote: > They should just talk to the cat people who seem to have sussed it > out without the use of computers > > Are you at a bit of a loose end Dave? > -----Original Message----- > From: lifeistooshort-bounces at toosh.co.uk [mailto:lifeistooshort-bounces at toosh.co.uk > ]On Behalf Of Dave Hastings > Sent: 17 January 2008 12:38 > To: LifeisTOOSHort > Subject: Re: [LifeisTOOSHort] Cats and toast-toppings > > Slightly off topic, but hot news and may have future implications > for the monorail. > > Scientist: Computer can help your dog communicate > > Dave > > On 15/01/2008, David Abse wrote: > Gosh, what a shame I'm missing it. Funny time of year to be having > an AGM - kind of indicates an inability to hold it the normal time... > > DA > > On 15 Jan 2008, at 18:02, Lisa Charalambous wrote: > >> Don't let your cat talk to you like that >> >> >> (PS It's IVAC's AGM tonight!) >> -----Original Message----- >> From: lifeistooshort-bounces at toosh.co.uk [mailto:lifeistooshort-bounces at toosh.co.uk >> ]On Behalf Of David Abse >> Sent: 15 January 2008 14:43 >> To: LifeisTOOSHort >> Subject: Re: [LifeisTOOSHort] Cats and toast-toppings >> >> I think that some cats don't fit with the descriptions: I have two >> - Earnie sort of fits, but the other one, Tom, has two types of >> miaow: one is a squeak, the other (most common) is a whine. >> Whatever he's doing, or wants just sounds like a bullying complaint >> - "pick me up and cuddle me quicker you scum", or "feed me dirt-bag". >> >> DA >> >> On 15 Jan 2008, at 15:24, Lisa Charalambous wrote: >> >>> Hang on hang on you lot! I'm still on how to communicate with your >>> cat. This is fairly elementary as far as I'm concerned but I am >>> extremely perturbed about the 'how to get your cat to sleep with >>> you' section. Some people are shockingly desperate >>> -----Original Message----- >>> From: lifeistooshort-bounces at toosh.co.uk [mailto:lifeistooshort-bounces at toosh.co.uk >>> ]On Behalf Of Dave Hastings >>> Sent: 14 January 2008 18:06 >>> To: LifeisTOOSHort >>> Subject: Re: [LifeisTOOSHort] Cats and toast-toppings >>> >>> But see this! http://www.wikihow.com/Communicate-With-Your-Cat >>> Feline/Human interface issues resolved. >>> >>> Dave >>> >>> On 14/01/2008, David Abse < david at toosh.biz> wrote: >>> I that it wouldn't necessarily go anywhere you wanted to. Likely >>> to not move for 16 hours a day. Also, if my cats are anything to >>> go by, they'd lick off the toast toppings pretty quick. >>> >>> But does it work with dead cats? >>> >>> DA >>> >>> On 14 Jan 2008, at 15:28, Dave Hastings wrote: >>> >>>> I agree with Lisa's assesment, plus I would add that even if the >>>> cat did decide to take part, it would soon change its mind. The >>>> monorail systm would end up like the Northern Line. >>>> >>>> dave >>>> >>>> On 14/01/2008, Lisa Charalambous < LisaCharalambous at ivac.org.uk> >>>> wrote: >>>> This theory is flawed as it was developed by someone who knows >>>> nothing about cats - the cat has to want to form the basis of a >>>> monorail system otherwise it won't work. >>>> -----Original Message----- >>>> From: lifeistooshort-bounces at toosh.co.uk [mailto:lifeistooshort-bounces at toosh.co.uk >>>> ]On Behalf Of David Abse >>>> Sent: 11 January 2008 10:19 >>>> To: lifeistooshort at toosh.co.uk >>>> Subject: [LifeisTOOSHort] Cats and toast-toppings >>>> >>>> Cat Power >>>> >>>> A magazine held a competition, inviting its readers to submit new >>>> scientific theories on ANY subject. Below is the winner: >>>> >>>> When a cat is dropped, it always lands on its feet, and when >>>> toast is dropped, it always lands buttered side down. Therefore, >>>> if a slice of toast is strapped to a cat's back, buttered side >>>> up, and the animal is then dropped, the two opposing forces will >>>> cause it to hover, spinning inches above the ground. If enough >>>> toast-laden felines were used, they could form the basis of a >>>> high-speed monorail system. >>>> >>>> .........and then this mail got this reply from one of the >>>> recipients: >>>> >>>> I've been thinking about this cat/toast business for a while. In >>>> the buttered toast case, it's the butter that causes it to land >>>> buttered side down - it doesn't have to be toast, the theory >>>> works equally well with Jacob's crackers. So to save money you >>>> just miss out the toast - and butter the cats. Also, should here >>>> be an imbalance between the effects of cat and butter, there are >>>> other substances that have a stronger affinity for carpet. >>>> >>>> Probability of carpet impact is determined by the following >>>> simple formula: >>>> p = s * t(t)/tc >>>> where >>>> p is the probability of carpet impact, >>>> s is the "stain" value of the toast-covering substance - an >>>> indicator of the effectiveness of the toast topping in >>>> permanently staining the carpet. >>>> >>>> Chicken Tikka Masala, for example, has a very high s value, while >>>> the s value of water is zero. tc and t(t) indicate the tone of >>>> the carpet and topping - the value of p being strongly related to >>>> the relationship between the colour of the carpet and topping, as >>>> even chicken tikka masala won't cause a permanent and obvious >>>> stain if the carpet is the same colour. So it is obvious that the >>>> probability of carpet impact is maximised if you use chicken >>>> tikka masala and a white carpet - in fact this combination gives >>>> a p value of one, which is the same as the probability of a cat >>>> landing on its feet. Therefore a cat with chicken tikka masala on >>>> its back will be certain to hover in mid air, while there could >>>> be problems with buttered toast as the toast may fall off the >>>> cat, causing a terrible monorail crash resulting in nauseating >>>> images of members of the royal family visiting accident victims >>>> in hospital, and politicians saying it wouldn't have happened if >>>> their party was in power as there would have been more investment >>>> in cat-toast glue research. >>>> >>>> Therefore it is in the interests not only of public safety but >>>> also public sanity if the buttered toast on cats idea is >>>> scrapped, to be replaced by a monorail powered by cats smeared >>>> with chicken tikka masala floating above a rail made from white >>>> shag pile carpet. >>>> >>>> _______________________________________________ >>>> LifeisTOOSHort mailing list >>>> LifeisTOOSHort at toosh.co.uk >>>> http://toosh.co.uk/mailman/listinfo/lifeistooshort_toosh.co.uk >>>> >>>> >>>> >>>> >>>> -- >>>> Dave Hastings >>>> t: 020 8881 3423 >>>> m: 07973 775002 >>>> w: phlex.co.uk _______________________________________________ >>>> LifeisTOOSHort mailing list >>>> LifeisTOOSHort at toosh.co.uk >>>> http://toosh.co.uk/mailman/listinfo/lifeistooshort_toosh.co.uk >>> >>> >>> _______________________________________________ >>> LifeisTOOSHort mailing list >>> LifeisTOOSHort at toosh.co.uk >>> http://toosh.co.uk/mailman/listinfo/lifeistooshort_toosh.co.uk >>> >>> >>> >>> >>> -- >>> Dave Hastings >>> t: 020 8881 3423 >>> m: 07973 775002 >>> w: phlex.co.uk >>> _______________________________________________ >>> LifeisTOOSHort mailing list >>> LifeisTOOSHort at toosh.co.uk >>> http://toosh.co.uk/mailman/listinfo/lifeistooshort_toosh.co.uk >> >> _______________________________________________ >> LifeisTOOSHort mailing list >> LifeisTOOSHort at toosh.co.uk >> http://toosh.co.uk/mailman/listinfo/lifeistooshort_toosh.co.uk > > > _______________________________________________ > LifeisTOOSHort mailing list > LifeisTOOSHort at toosh.co.uk > http://toosh.co.uk/mailman/listinfo/lifeistooshort_toosh.co.uk > > > > > -- > Dave Hastings > t: 020 8881 3423 > m: 07973 775002 > w: phlex.co.uk > _______________________________________________ > LifeisTOOSHort mailing list > LifeisTOOSHort at toosh.co.uk > http://toosh.co.uk/mailman/listinfo/lifeistooshort_toosh.co.uk -------------- next part -------------- An HTML attachment was scrubbed... URL: http://toosh.co.uk/pipermail/lifeistooshort_toosh.co.uk/attachments/20080117/619584aa/attachment.html From LisaCharalambous at ivac.org.uk Thu Jan 17 13:54:54 2008 From: LisaCharalambous at ivac.org.uk (Lisa Charalambous) Date: Thu, 17 Jan 2008 13:54:54 -0000 Subject: [LifeisTOOSHort] Cats and toast-toppings In-Reply-To: <80BAD28B-EE6B-42D3-96F9-8DFE042746AE@toosh.biz> Message-ID: <7AD13D28C9F4D64983026D06C9F809165C9F2B@ivac-dc01.IVACDOMAIN.local> Mmm - lots about animal-run monorail systems funnily enough -----Original Message----- From: lifeistooshort-bounces at toosh.co.uk [mailto:lifeistooshort-bounces at toosh.co.uk]On Behalf Of David Abse Sent: 17 January 2008 12:57 To: LifeisTOOSHort Subject: Re: [LifeisTOOSHort] Cats and toast-toppings How were the speeches at the AGM? More sense from cats and dogs? DA On 17 Jan 2008, at 13:42, Lisa Charalambous wrote: They should just talk to the cat people who seem to have sussed it out without the use of computers Are you at a bit of a loose end Dave? -----Original Message----- From: lifeistooshort-bounces at toosh.co.uk [ mailto:lifeistooshort-bounces at toosh.co.uk]On Behalf Of Dave Hastings Sent: 17 January 2008 12:38 To: LifeisTOOSHort Subject: Re: [LifeisTOOSHort] Cats and toast-toppings Slightly off topic, but hot news and may have future implications for the monorail. Scientist: Computer can help your dog communicate Dave On 15/01/2008, David Abse < david at toosh.biz> wrote: Gosh, what a shame I'm missing it. Funny time of year to be having an AGM - kind of indicates an inability to hold it the normal time... DA On 15 Jan 2008, at 18:02, Lisa Charalambous wrote: Don't let your cat talk to you like that (PS It's IVAC's AGM tonight!) -----Original Message----- From: lifeistooshort-bounces at toosh.co.uk [ mailto:lifeistooshort-bounces at toosh.co.uk]On Behalf Of David Abse Sent: 15 January 2008 14:43 To: LifeisTOOSHort Subject: Re: [LifeisTOOSHort] Cats and toast-toppings I think that some cats don't fit with the descriptions: I have two - Earnie sort of fits, but the other one, Tom, has two types of miaow: one is a squeak, the other (most common) is a whine. Whatever he's doing, or wants just sounds like a bullying complaint - "pick me up and cuddle me quicker you scum", or "feed me dirt-bag". DA On 15 Jan 2008, at 15:24, Lisa Charalambous wrote: Hang on hang on you lot! I'm still on how to communicate with your cat. This is fairly elementary as far as I'm concerned but I am extremely perturbed about the 'how to get your cat to sleep with you' section. Some people are shockingly desperate -----Original Message----- From: lifeistooshort-bounces at toosh.co.uk [ mailto:lifeistooshort-bounces at toosh.co.uk]On Behalf Of Dave Hastings Sent: 14 January 2008 18:06 To: LifeisTOOSHort Subject: Re: [LifeisTOOSHort] Cats and toast-toppings But see this! http://www.wikihow.com/Communicate-With-Your-Cat Feline/Human interface issues resolved. Dave On 14/01/2008, David Abse < david at toosh.biz> wrote: I that it wouldn't necessarily go anywhere you wanted to. Likely to not move for 16 hours a day. Also, if my cats are anything to go by, they'd lick off the toast toppings pretty quick. But does it work with dead cats? DA On 14 Jan 2008, at 15:28, Dave Hastings wrote: I agree with Lisa's assesment, plus I would add that even if the cat did decide to take part, it would soon change its mind. The monorail systm would end up like the Northern Line. dave On 14/01/2008, Lisa Charalambous < LisaCharalambous at ivac.org.uk> wrote: This theory is flawed as it was developed by someone who knows nothing about cats - the cat has to want to form the basis of a monorail system otherwise it won't work. -----Original Message----- From: lifeistooshort-bounces at toosh.co.uk [mailto: lifeistooshort-bounces at toosh.co.uk]On Behalf Of David Abse Sent: 11 January 2008 10:19 To: lifeistooshort at toosh.co.uk Subject: [LifeisTOOSHort] Cats and toast-toppings Cat Power A magazine held a competition, inviting its readers to submit new scientific theories on ANY subject. Below is the winner: When a cat is dropped, it always lands on its feet, and when toast is dropped, it always lands buttered side down. Therefore, if a slice of toast is strapped to a cat's back, buttered side up, and the animal is then dropped, the two opposing forces will cause it to hover, spinning inches above the ground. If enough toast-laden felines were used, they could form the basis of a high-speed monorail system. .........and then this mail got this reply from one of the recipients: I've been thinking about this cat/toast business for a while. In the buttered toast case, it's the butter that causes it to land buttered side down - it doesn't have to be toast, the theory works equally well with Jacob's crackers. So to save money you just miss out the toast - and butter the cats. Also, should here be an imbalance between the effects of cat and butter, there are other substances that have a stronger affinity for carpet. Probability of carpet impact is determined by the following simple formula: p = s * t(t)/tc where p is the probability of carpet impact, s is the "stain" value of the toast-covering substance - an indicator of the effectiveness of the toast topping in permanently staining the carpet. Chicken Tikka Masala, for example, has a very high s value, while the s value of water is zero. tc and t(t) indicate the tone of the carpet and topping - the value of p being strongly related to the relationship between the colour of the carpet and topping, as even chicken tikka masala won't cause a permanent and obvious stain if the carpet is the same colour. So it is obvious that the probability of carpet impact is maximised if you use chicken tikka masala and a white carpet - in fact this combination gives a p value of one, which is the same as the probability of a cat landing on its feet. Therefore a cat with chicken tikka masala on its back will be certain to hover in mid air, while there could be problems with buttered toast as the toast may fall off the cat, causing a terrible monorail crash resulting in nauseating images of members of the royal family visiting accident victims in hospital, and politicians saying it wouldn't have happened if their party was in power as there would have been more investment in cat-toast glue research. Therefore it is in the interests not only of public safety but also public sanity if the buttered toast on cats idea is scrapped, to be replaced by a monorail powered by cats smeared with chicken tikka masala floating above a rail made from white shag pile carpet. _______________________________________________ LifeisTOOSHort mailing list LifeisTOOSHort at toosh.co.uk http://toosh.co.uk/mailman/listinfo/lifeistooshort_toosh.co.uk -- Dave Hastings t: 020 8881 3423 m: 07973 775002 w: phlex.co.uk _______________________________________________ LifeisTOOSHort mailing list LifeisTOOSHort at toosh.co.uk http://toosh.co.uk/mailman/listinfo/lifeistooshort_toosh.co.uk _______________________________________________ LifeisTOOSHort mailing list LifeisTOOSHort at toosh.co.uk http://toosh.co.uk/mailman/listinfo/lifeistooshort_toosh.co.uk -- Dave Hastings t: 020 8881 3423 m: 07973 775002 w: phlex.co.uk _______________________________________________ LifeisTOOSHort mailing list LifeisTOOSHort at toosh.co.uk http://toosh.co.uk/mailman/listinfo/lifeistooshort_toosh.co.uk _______________________________________________ LifeisTOOSHort mailing list LifeisTOOSHort at toosh.co.uk http://toosh.co.uk/mailman/listinfo/lifeistooshort_toosh.co.uk _______________________________________________ LifeisTOOSHort mailing list LifeisTOOSHort at toosh.co.uk http://toosh.co.uk/mailman/listinfo/lifeistooshort_toosh.co.uk -- Dave Hastings t: 020 8881 3423 m: 07973 775002 w: phlex.co.uk _______________________________________________ LifeisTOOSHort mailing list LifeisTOOSHort at toosh.co.uk http://toosh.co.uk/mailman/listinfo/lifeistooshort_toosh.co.uk -------------- next part -------------- An HTML attachment was scrubbed... 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